Little thoughts in my head

changes 'round here

2011-10-22T08:13:00.000-04:00

big new my friends! We are moving back to Titusville! After much thought and consideration, we've made the decision. On top of that, we're moving in with my folks. I know, most people would think that is a disaster but we're THAT family who is always together. We're basically combining incomes into 1 household. When the economy sucks, you can get creative so that life isn't as hard.

Financially, it has been rough for the whole family. My brother moved to Arkansas for a job and my aunt/uncle moved to Georgia for the same reason. At one point, my brother, mom, and dad were laid off at the same time. None of us have ever been fired or asked to leave, it is merely the sucky economy.

Condensing households makes sense and its been a growing trend across the country. In previous times, this was the norm. What we're doing isn't new, it is just different from the thought of having independent houses.

I definitely don't think this could work for everyone and the personalities have to be able to compromise. Hmm sounds like marriage?!

still my baby

2011-10-14T14:28:00.000-04:00

As I hold my sleeping boy, I see both baby and toddler. It is such an overwhelming feeling to think about how small he used to be. I still feel lucky to be his mommy!

ps- he calls nursing mam-man! Lol!

much less facebook makes me happier

2011-10-11T15:28:00.001-04:00

I can't handle reading everyone's thoughts on facebook. Unlike blogs, it is a hodgepodge of people I've met throughout my life. I'm not ditching facebook, but I'm not going to keep constantly checking my newsfeed.

I'm not sure if I stuck to 30min of internet usage but I logged off when Neal got home last night and focused on my family. It was good. We walked 2 miles, hung out with the neighbor, made dinner, and watched tv together. Turning off technology created more time instead of complaining that time ran way from me. I also realized that i'm never truly bored! Every time I feel like I have a minute, I'm on my smartphone checking facebook. Ugh.

signing off.....

harmless fun?

2011-10-10T13:35:00.000-04:00

I think I have an internet problem- in fact, I think most of us do! I remember when AIM, the LiveJournal, the MySpace, facebook, blogger all became popular. I look around me and our constantly plugged in society. While it can be a great way to share, inspire, relate, whatever... It also accounts for countless hours of my time. I've spent more time on facebook and blog hopping than I should have. I keep up with strangers' lives and know their family intimately. I feel creepy but mostly guilty.

I have many neighbors and nearby friends that I should see in the flesh. The interesting thing is that even when we try not to, we end up appearing different virtually than in reality. Whether its the spotless house or the angled camera, we aren't as perfect as we try to seem. We also aren't as interesting.

I contemplated being crazy and deleted all online accounts to focus on real-life relationships but that seems drastic. Events are planned online, births/deaths are announced online. I don't want to limit my ability to connect, I just don't want it consuming or over-powering my day. I'm going to start by limiting my time online to 30 minutes/day.

PIcture of the hoardings!

2011-09-26T06:55:00.000-04:00

Here is a picture of all the clothes that I donated! I doesn't look like much in the picture, but that is 3 trash bags full (I wanted to keep my rubber maid boxes!), 1 huge box, and 1/2 a laundry basket of shoes.

The day before, I got rid of 3 boxes of books. All in all, we estimated that we shed the house of 7 moving boxes :-) That feels great! I was going to take pictures of the closet and the bedroom but I didn't do before pictures.. so that after won't seem so great. One day I will learn to use my camera before I start a project. It's just that I usually start a project without realizing it.

I also vacuum sealed all of Silas' baby clothes. I went from 2 rubbermaid containers to one! While I was at it, I figured that I should do the same with some of our bedding. In true southern form, I have bedspreads for each season. Better Homes and Gardens makes seasonal quilts/bedspreads sold at walmart for around $20-25. Being in Florida, we don't actually need more than a sheet at night for most of the year. I absolutely love changing the bedspread for each season. It puts me in a great mood! We also have a thick, down-alternative comforter that was a wedding present. As you can assume, this creates a lot of storage need. To help, I used the huge 3XL ziplock bags and vacuum sealed all of our bedspreads to transform our linen closet. How on earth did I forget about vacuum-sealing our stuff?!

Again, I feel so much more freedom with this crap cleared out! Between the purging and the better storage, I can clean much more easily. It's very hard to clean around clutter and space that is maxed out with stuff. It's like countertops, if they are cleared off, it's no big deal to wipe them down- it takes 30 seconds.

Out with the old!

2011-09-25T08:37:00.000-04:00

You know those jeans from college that never really fit? Or the club shirts that are in the back of the closet? How about the shoes that you bought to wear for dinner but walking from the bedroom to the car was too painful so they've never been worn?

My closet was crammed full of clothes I haven't worn for 2 years. Even then, they were all 2-4 years old. Even if/when I return to work, I'll need new stuff and can get by on the dresses I currently wear. I threw out all of my old button up dress shirts. Yes, it's bittersweet and I remember the blue and white vertical striped one that I wore on the first day of my job, but I definitely wore the heck out of it. What am I holding on to? It just needs to go so that I can have an easier, more organized life!

In the end, I had 3 boxes full of this stuff. And I mean big boxes. I purged at least 20 tops, countless tshirts, 6 bottoms, and at least a dozen pairs of shoes.

In the spirit of purging, I also got rid of several books that I don't need on my shelves. Personal finance textbooks from 2003 are not even helpful in our current economy! The result of book cleaning? 2 whole shelves cleared off!

I started all of this cleaning because my aunt and uncle just moved and I was over at their house watching them pack. I couldn't help but think about how many useless things we will have to pack when we move. While I still have a TON of books, I knew that there were several that I simply didn't ever use. Same thing with the clothes. While these items sat at my house not hurting a thing, I just reduced our need of 5 boxes (along with the space in the moving truck).

It feels very good to box up crap and give it to goodwill. I am starting with the obvious stuff first just to clear out the space. If you haven't moved or purged in awhile, I recommend filling a box :)

Two years of being a mom

2011-09-24T07:38:00.000-04:00

One year ago, I had a 4 month old. A year before that, I just found out I was pregnant. That's baffling. I have never had life changes like I have in the past 2 years. Any mom knows that no matter how much you prepare, you can never imagine how much a little one will absolutely consume your every minute of every day to the point that you have to force yourself to do something else (and even then, you think about that kid lol!).

This mommy transformation is not easy in the slightest way (and for some it seems super hard), but it is quite the adventure. I feel like I went from being on cloud nine for the entire pregnancy and first 6 months to being a little unsure. The sleep deprivation was catching up to me, I was questioning my instincts, and I had a teething baby who was in pain all the time. Every time someone offered a teething solution, my blood boiled because "YES I HAVE TRIED IT ALL!" Unless it is some little known thing and a mom is asking for advice, you should probably just say "I'll bring you dinner and paper plates" if you really want to help her out.

Now that I'm a slightly more seasoned mom, I've grown to feel very comfortable and secure with the first year. It's the older years that I'll still have to figure out as we go. Now, I can see why people have more kids and it doesn't seem quite as hard the second time around. I know more kids is more work, but you're already used to not watching an entire tv show or pooping alone or toys in the living room.

Feeling grateful

2011-09-24T05:18:00.000-04:00

I don't know what it is about the early morning hours, but 75F feels cold. Medically, it's the slowed heart pace and low blood pressure, but it still seems odd to me that even my hot natured self gets chilled. For some weird reason, I have this uncanny knack of waking up before the sun comes up. It's something I've done most of my life and it really helped the first year old Silas' life. Part of me finds solace in the quiet, peaceful early morning when I slip out of the bed, leaving my 2 boys and joining the cats in the living room. I guess you could call it my "me time" of the day. Most mornings I force myself to stay put and hope for some more shut-eye because a whole day alone with my toddler isn't all that relaxing. He is a VERY busy boy who runs nonstop when he isn't sleeping.

But on Saturday mornings, when most of the sane world is sleeping in, this whackadoo excitedly gets up and takes a shower. This is where my conflict begins. You see, I used to be the average citizen who took luxuries, like hot water, for granted. I would turn it on full hot, let the bathroom get very steamy and then adjust it to normal when I hopped in. Showers took no less than 20-30 minutes and I didn't care or think about it. Then I went to Spain, where I drove my host brother nuts by leaving on lights and taking long showers. Two years later, I returned to Spain as a nanny on the island of Mallorca. Hot water was from gas heating which came from tanks. Every time we went through a tank, we had to replace it with a new one. The family claimed they went through 2 tanks/month and I changed that to 4 tanks! While I still didn't care much, I was a little embarrassed that I used as much as a whole family.

I wasn't really affected until I traveled to Chile. We were staying in a city for a month that wasn't exactly wealthy. The water never got hot and lukewarm only lasted about 2 minutes. Oh, and it was WINTER in July which meant highs in the 40s... fun stuff I tell you! I have an oily scalp combined with psoriasis so even in the dry winter, I have to wash it every 2-3 days.

Essentially, showers were torture and I didn't look forward to it at all. That trip was the most uncomfortable I have ever been. All of us were miserable too, this big group of rich, UMiami students used to the best comforts of life. We slept with our coats and boots on and we didn't always have electricity. Learning to live with less was the biggest thing I took back from that trip and it has affected me profoundly. For a long time, I felt GUILTY when I turned on the water and waited for it to get hot knowing that a chilean (and most of the world) would never waste that water. Here in the USA, we literally don't understand how the rest of the world lives. Our idea of "poverty" is middle class everywhere else. Suddenly, letting the bathroom get steamy made me feel like a brat.

Now my showers are quick and I make the water comfortable, but not quite so hot. I used to have it so hot that my skin was red when I got out!! That just isn't necessary.

Our current economy is making people decide what we "need" and what is a luxury. New furniture, cable tv, and big grocery bills are not as in-style as they used to be. I'm glad. I know we've eventually recover and then get used to being wasteful again, but for now, people applaud frugality. It's nice :-)

birth reflections

2011-09-20T21:24:00.000-04:00

As I've stated before, Silas' birth experience was less than ideal and we were ripped apart the first few days. Sometimes I think if I went through it again, I would be much more calm and comfortable with it. Other times, I am scared to death of having another experience like that.

The worst fears were that I couldn't breastfeed and he would feel alone. Those fears were put to rest when the LC told me it was okay and she assured me he would nurse with patience and professional help. Here we are, 16 months later, still nursing and proving the statistics wrong :-) C-sections and NICU stays don't determine your parenting ways, they just put some obstacles in the mix- like low supply, nipple confusion, and no sleep for the parents who travel the hospital floors every 3 hours!

As the thought of #2 comes into my mind more and more, I think about this stuff a lot. Let us hope for a normal sized baby and vbac!

the perfect strawberry smoothie

2011-09-14T09:58:00.000-04:00

I love the Publix fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt cups. They are cheap, convenient, and keep in the fridge for awhile. My only issue is they are a bit sweet for even this sugar-addict. I hate, no, HATE sugar substitutes. So I buy my yogurt cup and eat it anyhow.....

The other day I was thinking about how awesome smoothies are because they cool me off. In Miami, I grabbed a jamba juice nearly every morning to beat the heat. It is quite amazing how well it works as an internal a/c. Since having a baby, I've felt quite hot. Between the constant nursing/bouncing/rocking/walking, I work up a regular sweat! I also hate being hot and sweaty. It is miserable to live like that.

I found a solution to both of my 'problems'! A smoothie with the Publix yogurt cup as a base! I'm sure I'm not the first person to think of this, but I never heard of it.

the result is a giant smoothie with enough left for silas! (I add some milk to his to thin it out) I used to make smoothies with vanilla yogurt but I prefer the ease of just dumping the whole cup. Remember, I'm a mom who has a toddler yanking on my leg at all times, one pot wonders are my BFFs!

10 oz crushed ice
6 strawberries
12 oz water
1 cup strawberry yogurt
1tsp sugar or 1/2 banana

I put the ingredients in the blender in that order, pulse a few times, the turn it on for a minute or so! Depending on the temperature of the water and whether you use fresh or frozen strawberries, you might need more or less water. If the ingredients aren't blending well, you need more water. If it is too watery, more ice. Pour into an insulated cup to enjoy sipping for hours! I love it because its 250-275 calories (banana adds more calories) and keeps me from snacking until lunch! Most recipes use juice, but I don't like the apple flavor when I just want strawberry. Plus, those smoothies can get pretty expensive in terms of calories! I don't care to drink away 700 calories before lunch!

if you do like the fat-free, sugar-free yogurt, you're in even better shape calorie-wise since that yogurt has many less calories and you can use splenda instead of sugar/banana.

social butterfly

2011-09-07T16:44:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a TINY bit on the social side. After silas was born, I had zero desire to leave the house much. We were soaking jn the newness of it all and getting the hang of nursing. I believe I did exactly what I needed at that time.

Things are different now! I need to get out of the house and chat about.... Well anything!!!

A friend from elementary school started a playgroup, but it is based out of titusville and 1 day a week. Another friend lives in cocoa, but they only have one car. Playing at her house is great and fun, we just can't go anywhere :-(

I do what I can when I can, but I want something local, here in rockledge. I looked and I found one! The group does 3-4 things each week, but you have to start with the meet and greet which is held at the 1st of every month. Since I just missed it, I have to wait until Oct 1! Boo. I'm still super excited! I also want to find a mom or two to do walks with a few times each week. I love walking, but doing it alone does get lonely.

here's to hoping there is another mom like me nearby!

Perfect

2011-09-05T20:14:00.000-04:00

Before I became a mom, I imagined how I would be. Crockpot dinners, playdates, and goldfish were in my thoughts, but I also didn't realize how much being me would change. I used to enjoy a nice, long shower. Now, not so much. I have a million thoughts running in my head and my shower has become an annoyance that I "have" to do each day. Okay, I'm lying... it doesn't happen every day.

When Silas was first born, I remember asking several moms (who I viewed as role models) how they did "it all." I love facebook, but it is a little self-damaging in some ways. I see someone post "great run today!" and I automatically assumed that mom goes for a 30 minute run 5x's a week without feeling the slightest fatigue. After talking to several of these moms, I found out that they post their runs because it RARELY occurs. Facebook makes me play mind games with myself that these other moms find time to exercise, keep house, go on dates, sew clothes, cloth diaper, line dry clothes, cook 5 course meals, and basically be this "perfect super-mom" that I've created in my mind.

A few months ago I realized that some people perceived me as this mom who has it all together. This is far from the truth. I'm always scrambling for dinner ideas, the house is not perfect by any means, and I have no friends that don't involve playgroups. Not that I would want to change a thing, it's just that before taking pictures, I try to move laundry, 3 day old dishes, and mail from the background. I'm embarrassed to admit defeat- which is silly! I'm continuing this trend of a perfect house. Honestly!

I know that I might sound crazy, but when I see pictures/status updates, I start comparing how my house is dirtier or I haven't had a proper workout since pre-Silas or how my hair is in a greasy ponytail.

So in hopes that I can help another mom not feel like I do... I'm here to say that I'm not perfect and I don't live in a fairytale world. My current goal is to accept my present so that I'm not mentally putting myself down all the time.

some days aren't the easiest

2011-09-01T08:24:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was the first time I really felt defeat as a mom. I just couldn't get him happy. All of my tricks and creative ideas failed. Inside, he was whiney and kept leading me to the door. It was only 8am, so the bugs were still bad outside. I finally said 'screw it, there's bugspray' and took him outside. Then we couldn't find the spray and I had to leave him on the screened front porch (screaming) to search for spray in the garage. Turned out, there was a bottle on the back patio. Got him protected and then he wanted to run in the street and did the 'deadman' thing toddlers do when I forced him to hold my hand.

so I picked him up and drove to the park that is fenced in.... Except oh yes, it rained last night and everything was soaked. Not to worry, I have a stroller and there is a lake and fountain to walk around for us! The walk went well, except I was sticky, gross, and sweaty after one loop.

we headed back home and he fell asleep. That nap felt like a reset button and when he woke up at noon, he was his usual, sweet self!

Oye..... I don't like how I felt yesterday. I need to work on that.

Pediatricians..

2011-08-24T13:46:00.000-04:00

I've always liked my pediatrician because she doesn't offer unwanted parenting advice. She sticks to the medical stuff and sends me on my way. Every kid is different and every situation is different. You can't prescribe the same advice for everyone. Today we had a clash..

Silas fell and hit his cheek, she didn't see what happened and assumed I was coddling him. Then, with a screaming baby in my arm, she proceeded to tell me not to pick him up every time he fall and let him register what just happened. The thing is, he falls all the time and has had many bumps, scrapes, and bruises. Part of life is learning how to fall, where your body is in the world, how to move on when you hurt, and that if you do get hurt and cry, you can trust that someone will help you. Silas falls all the time and laughs about it, so when he screams, I know something is wrong. Well, after the red/purple face dimmed a little, there was a visible (and immediate) bruise on his cheek.

My natural instinct took over and I just wanted her out of the room. Instead of arguing or explaining myself, I basically ignored her! lol As soon as we left, I was mad at myself for not standing up to her and telling her to back off. Then I realized that getting mad and wasting energy on her would have taken away from Silas and possibly upset him more. Plus, she didn't offer bad advice, she just assumed I am a coddling type of mom.

Maybe it's just me, but being a mother is the oldest occupation we women have had. It's not always easy, but it's something we've been doing for a long time. I'm not the type of mom who follows any book or strict regime for raising children because I happen to think we are far to complex to fit inside a box! :-) Old women are my favorite moms to talk to for advice. They know how fast time flies, the importance of enjoying the moment, and they have so much wisdom from experience. The thing I hear over and over is to just love our kids and have fun with them. That's all I really need to know!

FLY Lady

2011-08-19T07:44:00.000-04:00

I discovered FLY lady 2.5 weeks ago, right before going on vacation. Odd timing to start reading about organizing and cleaning, but that's how I work!

She has a slow, progressive "program" to get you doing habits that will keep your home cleaner and make your life easier. She also talks about how keeping you home up is blessing your family. It's true for me. When my mind isn't whirling about laundry, dishes, and decluttering the dining room table, I can live in the moment.

I started by getting my kitchen sink shining every night. That means that I cleaned up the kitchen to the point where I could dry the sink with a towel and it sparkled! I've never dried my sink with a towel before and I have to say.. it's a bit addictive. The idea is that if you have your sink cleaned, when you wake up everything is easier. No morning dishes to do, no ants to chase off, and it makes me WANT to immediately put my dishes into the dishwasher.

I also started doing a load of laundry every day. If you're like me, you're thinking "ha, I don't have a load to do each day!" I was wrong. Dead, flatout wrong. Colors, delicates, rugs, whites, sheets and towels alone make up 6 loads. We're usually gone all day on Sundays and this week, I found out that we actually have 2 loads of colors... I just overloaded the washer in the past. I used to sort of have 2 laundry days/week (Mondays and Thursdays) and kept it all flexible. It wasn't unbearable, but I did feel like I was doing laundry ALL.DAY.LONG since I had about 3 loads. And of course, the last load never got folded, so it sat on the couch for a few days (ok actually until my next laundry day). Now I "only" have one load to fold and the only loads that feel like "work" are the clothes. I feel like I'm doing so much LESS laundry. Plus, I get that feeling of accomplishment each day. My favorite day is rug day!! So easy!

The other thing I'm doing is keeping my "hot spot" decluttered. For us, it's the dining room table. Everything gets piled on that dang thing. Now, I've seen far worse, but it's always seemed impossible to keep it cleared off completely. I want to show off my beautiful table that my grandparents gave us! Mail, keys, toys, plates, etc have been covering it up. I'm being diligent about the toys/dishes, I'm putting the keys on their hooks, and I got a box for the mail. VIOLA! Easy peasy.

organizational skills

2011-08-18T09:22:00.000-04:00

Like many new moms, I struggled trying to find a new house keeping routine. I gave myself a pass the first few months since life was all about nursing. Ever since then, I've been fighting with containing the ever growing toys in the living room, laundry, and dishes. Basic cleaning (dusting, bathrooms, floors) haven't been an issue, but these three seem to really be a problem for me!

Before Silas, our house stayed pretty perfect. It was "company ready" at any moment. I knew having kids would change this and I love seeing toys and evidence that there's a kid in our house! At first, we just the the playmat and bouncer in the living room. Totally doable. Then we switched out the bouncer with the exersaucer. Again, perfectly fine. Then around 9 or 10 months, he really started to examine his toys. Now we have a full-on playing toddler and my living room started to look like toys r us vomited in here. It was hard to clean and toys were constantly getting lost.

We have play food, blocks, weebles, puzzles, books, cars, music toys, every type of ball you could imagine. and much more. We started with a big plastic tub that I got from Lowes. Then we added a laundry basket and a cloth shopping bag. Again, it was impossible to keep all of the blocks together or all of the pirate ship parts together. It was subconsciously stressing me out and I didn't realize it until 2 weeks ago. After going on vacation and seeing Silas hardly use any toys, I started brainstorming for new ideas.

While pregnant, I went with the shelf and basket system to contain all of the little baby stuff. One basket for burp cloths, another for wash rags, one for hats, another for blankets... you get the picture. Those baskets have been sitting empty for quiet awhile since it's all packed/given away. It dawned on me (finally) that I should use those baskets for his toys. I've separated them by type so that we can take one basket out of his room at a time, put it all back in the basket when we're done, and it has a home that is in his room! We've only been on this system for a few days now and today I completely finished perfecting it.

WOW WHAT A DIFFERENCE! The living room cleans up easily and swiftly, he can play with his toys better, and I can rotate the baskets to keep him interested. He gets excited to see a "new" toy. Before, he stared at them all day and ignored a lot of fun things. I'll take a picture and post it on facebook (if I can remember lol).

I'm not sure if everyone has to find their own system or if I was missing out on a big secret that everyone already knows. Or maybe I'm just slow to pick up on things. I feel so free now because I'm not fighting with his toys now. Sure, my living room is still covered in toys most of the day, but it's an organized, temporary mess instead of a constant one! :-)

15 months

2011-08-17T19:37:00.000-04:00

My boy will be 15 months tomorrow! I always remembered thinking of a 15-month old as being so different from an infant. It sure is! I love this stage and the days fly by fast, but MAN I'm tired. The only "breaks" I get are the 1-2 hours he sleeps each day and then when Neal gives Silas a bath. Even then, I feel guilty to slap down some words in my blog instead of doing housework.

The 15 month dr appointment isn't until next week since I wasn't sure when my brother would be in town. We'll find out exactly how much he weighs but I'm guessing around 28-29lbs and 34 inches.

I remember wondering what his personality will be like and it's been both predictable and a surprise. As an infant, he didn't cry alot (as long as he was upright in the moby or nursing! lol) but he didn't smile/laugh much either. I can also see where I was prematurely anxious about things like playing, oral skills, and socialization. It's nice to look back and see that it all came in due time :-) I guess that's why #1 seems like the hardest to most moms. I even feel like I was more laid back than some of my friends! Whenever my new mom friends come to me asking for advice, I just tell them to relax and not stress because this time will feel like it pass by in a second once it is over. Even at just 15 months it is hard for me to imagine Silas as a newborn.

With Silas' independence and easy personality, I am starting to get baby fever again. I was waiting to find out if I would get a job, but since that seems to not be happening... I think we might just let nature take it's course.

the weaning process

2011-08-15T12:46:00.000-04:00

Silas has been in charge of nursing from day 5 (he was on formula until then thanks to hypoglycemia). I let him nurse as long and as frequent as he wanted. It worked quite well until recently.

Now he will spend some days nursing a lot and other days he isn't interested. If he is teething, it's very understandable, but if we spend too much time inside the house, it's just because he is bored with his gazillion toys.

I've talked to a few of my nursing advisors- aka moms who nursed for more than a year. Everyone toddler is different, but all moms can relate to the frustration you feel when you're filled with milk and can't nurse. Most of my friends have either returned to work or gotten pregnant. It's much easier to cut back when your milk changes or you aren't always around. Maybe I should work on getting myself knocked up again? hahaha.... Engorgement hasn't bothered me until I got my first clogged duct a few weeks ago. Now I'm a little freaked out about mastitis. My "advisors" suggested I keep him on the busy side mid morning and mid afternoon so that he doesn't think about nursing. Also, I need to be fully dressed without an easy access or low cut shirt that might remind him to nurse. I can't blame him, if he has the choice between toys and boobs.. well that's and easy guess! While I'm not going to tell him no, I can also see that he needs more mental stimulation and it's my job to provide that for him.

My "goal" is to have him nursing 3 times a day: morning, noon, and night. Since we have lots of holidays and cool weather coming up, I want to figure out a new nursing pattern now. If it wasn't so hot outside, I could more easily keep him busy. This weather makes it difficult since we can't go outside between 10 and 5, but the bugs eat him alive during the cooler times. Once we have nicer weather, we can take full advantage of our backyard throughout the day.

For now, I'm going to the grocery store every 2-3 days and hitting up friends for playdates.

Schedule/routine at 14 months

2011-08-01T21:11:00.000-04:00

I have meant to keep track of our little routine as he grows, but I totally sidetracked on that one! As anyone who knows me is aware, I'm not into schedules for the wee ones. It seems like every single time I could predict our days, something would change. Plus, all of the growth spurts and teething would have made me go mad if I had a strict schedule. We just nursed, slept, cuddled, and went with the flow.

That being said, a toddler NEEDS routine and schedule. If their nap is off, the rest of the day is so difficult! If he gets bored and falls asleep too early, then he can't make it to bedtime. Oh my, it is quite horrible. I'd like to share our current schedule. To outline it, I will say that he goes to bed at 9pm and wakes around 7:30am. Then he takes a nap from about 12-3. I'm flexible with the nap by about 30 minutes either way.

For a more detailed timeline.....
7:30- Wake, diaper change, nurse, breakfast
8:00- Walk
8:30- Free play/TV while mommy does some cleaning
9:00- diaper change, nurse, fun activity (music/art/tactile/strength/errand/gymboree)
11:00- Lunch, book, nurse, diaper
12:00- Nap
3:00- Wake, diaper change, nurse, snack
3:30- Play outside (swing, water plants, check mail, nature exploration)
4:00- Nurse, fun activity (music/art/tactile/strength/errand)
5:00- Diaper change, free play while mommy makes dinner
6:00- Dinner
7:00- Play with Daddy or play at the kidcare at the gym
8:30- bath, diaper, nurse, bedtime story/tv
9:00- BEDTIME!

Now obviously these things are set in stone and if something pops up, it's no big deal. The important part is to keep him busy until noon! I'm trying really hard to stimulate him as much as I can so that we are using our time wisely. Sometimes our activities get cut short or I'm really tired from a busy weekend and we spent a lot of time just playing in front of the TV. But for the most part, my goal is to offer stimulation without bossing him around so that he can explore his own creative ways. Whenever we do something new, I show him how I do it and then he usually mimics me while adding his own twist. It's really cute to watch :-)

That's what I do all day. It isn't relaxing and I'm usually begging for bedtime by 9pm myself. My boy is busy and doesn't stop moving when he is awake. While he isn't the "easiest" child around, he is a ton of fun!!

Heavy duty cleaning

2011-07-28T18:31:00.000-04:00

I am convinced that my favorite feeling (aside from cuddles with my honey and giggles from my kid) has GOT TO BE cleaning the house. I know, I sound like suzie homemaker. But seriously folks. I love the sweat that starts flowing when I get down and dirty with the vacuum. Or the fresh scent that lingers after using some cleaner in the bathroom.

I'm attempting to be more ecofriendly, but I have to admit, there is nothing like the smell of pinesol. It reminds me of my grandma's house. This woman used to clean her bathtubs and toilets every morning. I guess you could call it part of her daily routine. Anyhow, she would wash out the tub and scrub the toilets to start each day. The whole house would smell like pinesol, coffee, and bacon. To me, that smells like perfection!

Okay, you can laugh away :-)

Bringing out the kid in me

2011-07-26T20:42:00.000-04:00

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, everyone has been telling me "oh your children will change you so much!"

I'm going to say that I disagree for the most part. My son has brought out the authentic Rachel. The teenage years is what changed me. During those years, I questioned who I was and tried to be who I *thought* I wanted to be instead of my true self. I love watching him feel emotions. His feelings are raw and real. Even when I feel like I need more patience, I appreciate his ability to feel whatever he feels.

Many adults spent a LOT of money on therapists helping them figure out what they are feeling. I'm not saying that Silas doesn't need to learn how to deal with his feelings or contain himself, that will come with time. It's just how he doesn't deny what he feels.

Just a thought :-)

Job Interview

2011-07-20T14:28:00.000-04:00

I've been applying for jobs and got my first call for an interview. Part of me tells myself to calm down because it is simply an interview. The other part is excited about a possible change in our lives (in many ways for the better) because we can move forward financially instead of this horrible place we are at thanks to retirement changes, health care costs, and increases in gas/food.

I'm not sure if most people know, but I never planned on staying at home. I always imagined myself as a working mom, but then I got married. And the closer we got to having kids, the more we wanted me at home with the baby. My work offered a decent maternity leave of up to 1 year, but I got laid off right after I was pregnant. Our finances were always so that we could survive off of one income even though we both worked. We couldn't have foreseen the economy getting even worse with rising costs of living. I don't regret anything and if I don't get this job, I'm okay with it too. It's just that landing a good job would solve many problems.

Oddly enough, I'm not worried for Silas to be with one of my relatives while I work. I'm completely fine with it! I'm just sad that our family unit will be changing and we will have less time together. I remember life when we both worked. All chores get done in the evenings/weekends and there is never enough time. Oh and time? Yeah it passes within the blink of an eye because we are all so "busy."

But I do have to say the prospect of Silas missing me sounds wonderful. I've never had him look at me with excitement like he looks at Neal when he walks in the door. So it wouldn't be all bad.

If I don't get this highly paid job? That's fine too. I really love being at home with him. There hasn't been a day when I wished to be somewhere else. Maybe I'm a weirdo, but I feel like I was made to be a SAHM. I enjoy my quiet afternoons while he naps, the peacefulness when the day starts after Neal has left, chores with a little one at my feet, living without an alarm clock or a strict schedule, morning walks, and watching silly shows like Desperate Housewives and Glee.

If this is my last week or two as a stay-at-home mommy, I will savor every moment because I honestly do love this life.

One of those days

2011-07-12T08:58:00.000-04:00

Do you ever have one of those days where you simply get through the day regardless of what it takes? I have to admit that I've let Silas watch a lot more tv than usual because I've got a summer cold. Part of me feels horrible about it, but the overwhelming sick part of me doesn't care.

The AAP recommends ZERO tv for the first 2 years, so that is where my guilt comes in to play. I just don't agree with that idea. How is a sweet show like Barney (with songs to sing and dance) or an educational one Sesame Street all that bad? Obviously, some parents will abuse it, but just about anything child related has the ability to be abused. My happy middle has been to gradually introduce a little bit of tv since he was 11 months.

I just hope I start feeling better soon because I feel like such a failure as a mom when I sit around all day due to a dizzy head and no energy. Oh, and the hot, humid, rainy summer days here in Florida don't help either. If it were cooler outside, I might be more prone to drag my butt out there. Sweating while dizzy makes me feel HORRIBLE!

Toe-may-toe Toe-mah-toe

2011-07-06T08:37:00.000-04:00

Silas is now 13 months old and I've watch myself evolve as a mother. At first, I had fear about being able to successfully breastfeed him. I know a lot of moms who do it for 1-3 months and then switch to formula. It was a huge scare of mine because not only did I want to give him my milk, but I didn't want to budget for formula. The whole purpose for me to stay at home was that I knew it was difficult to pump while working. We started trying as soon as I knew I would get laid off.

Then I felt like I was constantly explaining myself and why I do what I do. From the negative comments about nursing in public (always from someone who hasn't watched me do it) to where Silas sleeps.

Now I feel at peace with everything. The fears and defenses are gone because I am completely happy with what we are doing. But all of this gets me to start thinking about the arguments we moms have- even if they are respectful arguments. I'm pretty sure there wouldn't be so much debate if all it took to get your baby to sleep was a few minutes in the rocking chair. But what about the baby who fights sleeping while getting rocked? What about the baby who wakes up the second you lay him down? What about the baby who nurses all night long?

We moms have created our own "right ways" based on instinct, books, relatives, friends, and sometimes desperation. My way to handle my baby who needs lots of contact and nursing has been to sleep with him all night long. Even at 13 months, I continue to try laying him down every day, yet he wakes up screaming every time. I could make us both miserable and let him scream, but that's not how I chose to do things. My boy has screamed for an hour during car rides without losing any gusto when I knew he was tired. He is NOT the type that could be successfully ferberized and I'm not willing to try it based on his personality. I hear of these babies who "fuss" for a few minutes before falling asleep. Yeah, that'd be a dream! In conclusion, our way of getting rest for the whole house has been to bedshare. Now it is something we love and on the weekends, we (jokingly) fight over who gets to hold him on the couch for his nap. There's something sweet about having to slow down and relax while he naps. No tornado cleaning while the baby naps and really, I feel rested too because I usually nod off for a few minutes myself.

I just wish that when someone explains how they do things, that the listener didn't say "oh I would never do that." It's demeaning and judgmental. What we all do is based on a lot of things and if you were married to someone else or had a different mother or a more high/low needs baby... well your "right way" might be different. As moms, we all need to work on this and just support each other.

Ball pit videos

2011-05-19T20:39:00.000-04:00

1st day as a TODDLER!

2011-05-19T19:24:00.000-04:00

Since Silas was born at 4:44pm, I considered today to be today his first day as an official toddler. We had a BLAST! First off, he took a 2.5 hour nap and that was it! That was a first and not forced by me at all. Also, I had made some test birthday party cupcakes a few days ago. After lunch, I set one on the couch to eat and oops! Silas got it!! I put him in his high chair, gave him a new one and let him practice eating it. This was an illegal amount of cuteness.

Then when Daddy came home we ate blueberry pancakes.

And to finish the night, we played in the new ball pit!

Fun times I tell ya, please make them last forever :)

Last year

2011-05-16T10:14:00.000-04:00

This time last year, I was begging my body to go into labor already because, for the love of god, I was completely miserable! Here is proof:

Does that look uncomfortable/painful to you? It was. Fortunately, until around 36 weeks, I had an easy, breezy pregnancy free of nausea and other symptoms. In fact, I kept taking pregnancy tests until the second trimester because I didn't "feel" pregnant! HA!

Now, I am 50lbs lighter (yes, fifty thanks to the last two weeks of water weight combined with a huge baby) and planning a birthday party! I've been sick for the past week and finally got some antibiotics after being in denial that I needed them. Because of my experience with MRSA, I try very hard to only take antibiotics when necessary. I NEVER EVER want to be in the hospital for a week, have surgery, and then clean the HOLE IN MY BODY again. It probably doesn't make a difference, but I am trying to do my part with the antibiotic problem in our country.

ok back to birthday stuff! I'm a bad mom and gave Silas his presents when we bought them a few weeks ago. I figured that he'll get plenty more on his actual birthday. hehe! Because I was sick, I've kind of gone the easy route with food. The plan was to have all sorts of fun appetizers and sides, but I haven't gotten any of the shopping and prepping done. My unfortunate guests will be getting canned corn and green beans. They will get some really good pulled BBQ chicken though! Providing dinner for 30 people isn't easy and cooking 6 whole chickens, taking the meat off the bone, and cooking it some more with BBQ sauce is the easiest and cheapest thing I could think of last week. The oven and crockpots do all of the work!

Also, why is it that something about having a big party makes me want to clean out my closets? Nothing sends me into nesting more than the thought of company. I have a deep-seeded fear that someone will see my pantry. It's irrational and ridiculous, but at least my house gets a good cleaning?

PS- make the love bugs go away. At this point, everyone will be stuck inside because they are SWARMING all over the patio!

Childish

2011-05-12T13:25:00.000-04:00

Do you ever have an opposition to something with no good reason? As I have gotten older, I find myself overcoming many things I used to never consider. Salad was a big one for me. I hated salad until I was about 20 and even then, it took me 5 years to branch out from ranch dressing.

My most recent childish opposition is irrigating my sinus cavity. Yes, I know some people (you know who you are Mrs. Powell) who just don't like things up their noses. And maybe it's because I've had a child and something about giving birth takes away a lot of those quirky tendencies. Plus, once you experience the sweet, needed relief of a good irrigation, well, it's addictive. I can even see myself doing a weekly irrigation now.

I'm trying to think of other oppositions I have without a good cause. It's hard to think of them because they seem rational to me until I question them.

This isn't silly, but I've never really stuck to weekly menu planning. I've started it, but always fail miserably. I guess that is my next goal, to create and stick to a menu plan. I do a great job at keeping a budget, but our budget could be better. Being an adult takes a lot of persistence and the ability to admit when you're wrong. How annoying!

Getting close to toddlerhood

2011-05-11T07:33:00.000-04:00

Throughout parenting, people always ask the same questions. I find myself getting annoyed at answering the same thing over and over, but I realize it is normal to ask these questions. During the first trimester, it was all about morning sickness. The second tri was all about the sex. The third tri was my birth plan, how to go into labor, and advice on enjoying sleep while I can.

Right now, everyone wants to know if he is close to walking yet. I have no idea how to answer this because he started cruising furniture at 6 months. Everyone swore he'd be walking around 9 or 10 months, but he hasn't. I'm fine with it. With each development comes new obstacles. I'm not looking forward to all of the tripping that comes with walking. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to see him come toddling into the living room! I'm just not disappointed that I don't have an early walker.

It's also making me more reflective on his birth. Everything was going so perfectly until he was actually born. Now the horrible events following his birth, overshadow the great experience I had before he was born. It also makes me apprehensive to have another. But the older he gets, the more I feel like another baby is in our future. I've saved all of his stuff and my maternity clothes. Having another boy would be wonderful because I could go through his newborn (well 3m for him) clothes again. Plus, I really did love all the snuggles that come with a newborn :-)

Unpopular

2011-04-28T18:45:00.000-04:00

Do you ever have an unpopular opinion? I feel like such an outsider sometimes because I question what others just receive as normal. But I can't say my true opinion because then, I look like an a-hole. When it comes to parenting, some things are object, but other things are not.
Like giving your kids a decent bedtime. That is not an opinion. It is fact that children need good rest and operate better when they go to bed at a decent time. Whether your child goes to bed at 6pm or 9pm is unique, but a 1 or 2 year old should NOT be going to bed at 4am.

What I am talking about is much bigger than a bedtime though. It is basic parenting and responsibility. Yet unless you're anonymous, nobody is pointing fingers.

This post might seem completely odd, but I need somewhere to get it off my chest that as the parents, YOU are responsible for your kids.

I love....

2011-04-28T08:53:00.000-04:00

Here's a list of some great things
-where I live
-my daily routine
-holding silas while he sleeps and I watch something on netflix
-going out to eat once a week. everyday takes the specialness out of it, but I love looking forward to it!
-hanging clothes on the line
-following like-minded moms on twitter
-keeping my floors clean
-watching neal and silas sleep together
-walking inside a cool house when it is hot outside
-cooking big batches of food
-pulling weeds

a spin off from Rachel's post

2011-04-27T12:42:00.000-04:00

My friend, my only reader, just wrote a post about people giving advice. It's so funny to me as I watch her go through the early stages of advice. Mostly because it gets worse.

Here we are college educated, professional (well I'm on sabbatical) women who have done things the right way, yet people feel the need to tell us how to run out lives. Where is all of this advice for our younger peers who are making life altering decisions? What about the 19 year old who accidentally gets pregnant and the father is a jerk? Or maybe she is self-centered and pawns her child on to someone else so that she can feel young and single?

I just don't get it. My grandmother has this saying "they get to do what they want to do and we can't change it." I disagree. Completely. If we compassionately let others know that the decisions they are making will effect them the rest of their life, they might stop and think about it. Finishing school before having kids is a big one. College drop outs without kids is pretty high (like 50% depending on the school). Add in a child and you chance of finish school goes WAY down. Anytime someone brings this up, someone else loves to point out how "so and so did just fine without a degree." It's not about a degree or about the rare person who succeeds regardless of obstacles. It's that the MAJORITY of people who have a child before being financially and emotionally ready will not stay with the father and will experience extreme financial stress. The difference in waiting 5 years can make a lasting impact on not only your finances, but your happiness.

I can guarantee you that if I had become a mother at even 22, I wouldn't be as happy. Timing truly is everything with life. Anyone who sees Neal and I interact together can see how peaceful our marriage is and how much of a unit we are together. I love being with my husband and the influence he has on Silas. I admire his capabilities and how much he adores us. I'm quite addicted to him. So why the unwanted advice?

All I've figured is that people think they know the answer to happiness and want the same for me OR they want me to be as miserable as they were. Either way, I'm pretty stubborn in my ways. If I'm not happy, I look for ways to change.. but when something is working.. why the hell would I change it? Taking having Silas in bed with us for example. I've heard countless people dismiss the idea of letting your child sleep with you. It's not "healthy" (whatever that means) or they won't ever leave your bed. I'm wondering if these folks have experienced having a 30 year old son or daughter in bed with them. EVER?? I can understand that some people like their own space. Or that they prefer to have their child in his/her own room. But that's not for me, so get off of my case! I've had an open mind with how I raise Silas since I was pregnant. I simply do what feels right and what works for us.

Silas falls asleep faster and better when Neal holds him. So at night, instead of nursing him to sleep, Neal walks him to sleep. They both love it. Neal feels like a superhero and I clip my toenails, text, sit in nothingness, or clean during this time. I never planned it out and I didn't fight it. During the past few months, we realized that this is the fastest, easiest way to get our baby to sleep. Why don't the books say that? Why don't the experts say that child are different and that's okay? Why do strangers in the store ask a new mother if her baby is sleeping through the night (as if that is a qualifier for a "good" mother).

I don't know, but I'm getting fiesty in my old age and my comebacks are getting fun. I've found that immediately replying "I nursed until I was 4" usually makes anyone speechless.

If you've got beef with me, guess what? I nursed until I was 4 and Silas can do the same! :P

Lullabies put babies to sleep? Not mine.

2011-04-25T17:50:00.000-04:00

I always thought that babies like it when people sing them to sleep. In fact, in the earlier months, I sang through Silas' screams thinking I was soothing him.

HA. Jokes on me.

When I try to sing to Silas, he laughs at me. It's actually really cute, but not very effective. He prefers when I look dead while I nurse him. Thankfully nobody aside from Neal sees this. If I close my eyes, relax my body, and softly rock... he's out quickly.

Whatever works, right?

11 months

2011-04-24T21:53:00.000-04:00

Before I talk about Silas being 11 months old and the tragedy/excitement that his first birthday brings... I want to say that I completely realize that I wrote 2 conflicting posts about sleep within days of each other. I'm the type of person who needs good sleep or else I'm in a fog and fight being a grump. Yes, I'm an early bird who wakes up at 6am every morning also. It's just that I need to go to bed around 9 or 10 to get adequate sleep. Notice I'm not eager to pop out another baby anytime soon? I love my baby, but I want to make sure Silas is done with teething before we start thinking about another :-) Needing lots of rest is a flaw of mine. I recognize it! Usually, he sleeps quite well (waking up to nurse around 5am still, but I'm cool with that) so when he wakes up several times, I get tired.

So on to the next subject... my baby is almost a non-baby (aka toddler!). I'm in awe, I'm thrilled, I'm shocked, and I'm in love. I'd say that in the past 11 months, one thing has held true: BABIES ARE UNPREDICTABLE! Whenever I hear new moms say "well when I get him on a schedule, things will get better" I kind of laugh to myself and hold back from telling them they might be that lucky 1%, but probably not. The moment, they start sleeping well (if they even do that), teething begins. Or there's a growth spurt. Or you travel somewhere. Or they learn how to sit/stand up on their own.

And of course there is always the "daily routine" that seems to be constantly evolving. As soon as I get used to how things are, Silas changes. Either the way he plays, how often he nurses, which foods he likes, activities he enjoys, the list goes on and on.

I don't mean any of this in a complaining way, just that I'm glad a few moms told me that babies are ever-changing beings. It's quite a ride! Just one more month of being a baby before he is officially a toddler (which of course has it's own challenges). What is odd is that in just 1 year we will be getting ready to celebrate his SECOND birthday. Now that is crazy.

Sleep needs

2011-04-14T08:16:00.000-04:00

I'm having a tough time right now in one small, yet big, aspect of Silas' life. I can't figure out his sleep needs. One day, he's falling asleep sitting up at 9am, the next day, I can't get him to fall asleep until 1pm. I've always been very big on following his cues and right now, I think the cue is for me to regulate his sleeping patterns. The only problem? Sleeping needs at this age can vary GREATLY and depending on where you look online, you'll find another answer.

Some books discuss how if your baby doesn't sleep enough during the day, they won't sleep at night. This totally used to be true with Silas. Totally. Currently (and only on some days), he won't go to bed until 10 if he sleeps past 3. Other days, he'll take a nap while nursing at 4:30 and go to bed at 9. Some days, he takes 2 long naps, other days he takes a short morning nap and a long afternoon nap. I've tried holding him, putting him in the bed, and even lying down with him.

None of those ways guarantee the same sleep time. I didn't change it up each day either. 3 weeks ago, I put him in bed all week for his naps and did quiet chores while he napped. Every day he slept differently. 2 weeks ago, I popped in a movie with subtitles and laid down with him. Again, every day was different. This past week, I held him during his naps and each day varied.

After talking to Neal and my mom, we all think it's partially his budding personality. This kid has wants and desires. He throws a fit when he doesn't get his way. While amusing at times, I'm being careful how I handle it so that I don't let him think he rules over me. If he pulls the cat's ear, I make him release his hand. The screaming follows because O.MG. mom I just want to touch his ear! hahaha Poor kitty. He's usually very sweet with the cats, but occasionally those ears call his name! How does this correlate with his sleep? Well, if it isn't his idea to sleep, he fights it horribly. It has no relation to how long he naps and it didn't occur to me for 3 weeks! LOL I focused solely on naps for 3 weeks to realize his needs aren't always the same. Some days are big ones and other days aren't.

So now, the challenge is to find the right bedtime routine because our current one is NOT WORKING!!! Wish me luck because sleep is supposed to be a good, warm time. NOT a battle.

The good wife

2011-04-13T17:18:00.000-04:00

I'm constantly amazed at my husband and his kindness/sensitivity/helpfulness/love/etc that he brings to the table. Because of this, I also ask myself if I'm being as good of a spouse as he is. I feel like we have a pretty decent marriage. Actually, that's a lie. I hate to sit on a soap box, but my marriage rocks. I hope it just keeps getting better.

Anyhow, a few months ago, a friend was asking me what I do for Neal. It got me to thinking because I don't always think about what I do for him. Little things here and there have been added to my list of "usuals" since we first got married. Back in Jan 2008, I had no clue how to be a good wife. As someone who has only had a few failed relationships, I wanted to make sure I did everything in my power to do what I could to lay a great foundation. Think about, here I was, married to someone I knew for all of 2 weeks and it dawned on me that I need to know how to be a wife.

I read as much as I could about marriage. Some things that stood were as follows (they aren't really gender specific):

-Talk a lot. Talk about everything. When spouses stop talking, trouble can follow. Sometimes talking is more about listening, either way, know your mate's mind.

- Know each others' expectations.Try to fulfill your love's needs. Don't be afraid to tell him if you have a need either. We can't read each others' minds and if he doesn't know, you can't be upset with him.

- Find activities that you both enjoy and do them together. We like gardening, Disney, good food, and house projects. If you continue to do separate stuff, it can create a division. Besides, you might be surprised and like something you've never done before.

- Eat together. So important. Whether it's a 6am breakfast, traditional dinner, or late night snack. Eat together. Food is culture.

- Put your spouse above all others. You said it in your vows, now do it. Going out with the guys/girls was for your single years. It's not as if you can't have time away from your spouse, but you should limit it. I've heard a lot of people complain that their partner doesn't spend enough time with them. One way around this is to do something when your spouse will be busy. I like to be with a group of people so that Neal and I can kind of do our own thing, but meet back up whenever we want.

- Give you (wo)man surprises! Even if it's something small like making chocolate milk with a glass you stuck in the freezer. Who doesn't like hearing "I have a surprise when you come home!"

- Try to kiss (for real) every day. Not just a peck, but a meaningful kiss. Even when life is busy, a good kiss lets your mate know that you care.

Naps at 10 months

2011-04-11T16:22:00.000-04:00

A 10 month old naps are much longer and more predictable than a 10 day old or even a 10 week old! I'm enjoying the comfort and routine with Silas as he gets older. His needs still change based on whether he is teeth or growing, but all-in-all, it's nice! Today my dear friend Rachel came to visit and he was an angel. I love this baby so much! He brings me a ton of joy and I'm proud of the little toddler that he is becoming!

While I enjoyed our early months together, I'm in no rush to have another baby! Baby "fever" hasn't set in yet and I'm just fine with that! If I had 2, there would be ZERO down time. I like my down time and I NEED my down time :-) The plans I always envisioned of having 2 close in age don't seem to be actually working for me. And that's okay. Plans can be changed based on circumstances. So Thursday is the big day for my at the ob/gyn for my IUD. Yay!

I'm 27?!

2011-04-06T20:14:00.000-04:00

Am I really 27?! I'm not upset, but I still think that I'm 23 in my head. How has 4 years just flown by like this. It isn't fair.

I've made so many new relationships and connections (marriage and a baby top the list lol), but I've lost so much also. I mourn the loss of several college friends who are scattered all over the world. The simple days of dorm life are far away in my memory bank to be remembered with fondness. My memory is all that I feel like I have of my "former" life.

From college, I have memories of developing myself, making friends from all walks of life, trying new things, stretching my ideas and beliefs, and venturing out into the world without the security of my bubble.

From my post college life, I have memories of figuring out where I fit in this crazy world, if I could sustain a job, and could I make enough to pay the bills. This time in life was met with such uncertainty and I'm so glad it is over. Between college and marriage, I literally floated through life. Loneliness took a whole new meaning. There were times when I really questions why I was on this earth and if I would ever have any meaning. I wasn't suicidal or depressed, I was simply drifting through time feeling insignificant.

Now I'm married with a child and a housewife. Being a stay-at-home mom is TOUGH, there is no getting over that. Entertaining a child all day while trying to just get 1 simple chore like a load of whites done is a hard task in itself. Some days I feel frustrated with myself, but every day I feel grateful to be here (regardless of my lack of progress).

My most memorable birthday has to be 22. For some unknown reason, I had like 15 friends from college all show up for dinner. It was so touching that they took time from their busy schedules to eat and celebrate with me. I barely talk to most of those people, but I will never forget that year. It was just special to me for some reason. Their kindness and time that they gave me was very memorable.

So here's to another year of growth and happiness!

My how life as a housewife isn't how I imagined!

2011-04-05T21:41:00.000-04:00

When I used to think of being a housewife, I envisioned pancakes and maple syrup mornings, followed by clean laundry being sorted, playing babies, and a dinner ready for my husband.

How foolish huh? This is what I dream of doing, but it isn't reality. Heck, I'm lucky to get the coffee for Neal before he jets out the door 10 minutes PAST the time he is supposed to leave. HA! I know. Pathetic and annoying. Beating myself up over it doesn't do any good and exhausting myself is even worse. I guess that I keep telling myself that when Silas goes to school I can actually get some stuff done. I don't mind toys or even the "mess" from having baby stuff everywhere. It's the basics like keep the laundry done, the floors clean, and dishes going. As Silas gets older, I'm much more helpful around the house than I used to be. But quite frankly, I'd rather spend our "baby free" time relaxing instead of racing around like mad.

Even through all of my complaining, my house isn't that bad. It's just not Martha Stewart ready, so my perspective of a normal house is probably what needs to change. Because as he gets older, other challenges will come. Like being homeroom mom, baseball practice, substitute teaching, maybe having #2... ok let's just not talk about #2 for the next 2 years.

Did I mention that I'm getting an IUD? Oh yes, we are that "for sure" that we don't want another kid right now that I'm taking care of that possibility the best way I know how (short of surgery). I was talking to Neal's mom tonight and while I LOVED these past 10 months with Silas, it was a lot of work! I can't just turn around and do it again anytime soon. I'm exhausted. Plus, I don't think I'm one of those crazy baby people. Some girls just LOVE babies like they love glitter and anything pink. Not me. Babies are a ton of work that allow little sleep. I want to enjoy Silas as he enters toddlerhood without the idea of another pregnancy looming in my head.

Oh and we're training for a 5k because I need to lose a good 30lbs to be at MY happy weight. Thankfully, I back in my normal jeans. In 10lbs, I'll feel perfect in them, in 20lbs they'll be loose, and in 30lbs I can go a size smaller. WOO WEE!!! I'm down 10lbs for now though and that is a celebration in itself.

Food and running

2011-03-31T08:57:00.000-04:00

In case you're interesed in my other 2 blogs I've recently started, here are the links cooking and running.

Enjoy (hopefully)!

Blogs

2011-03-30T15:26:00.000-04:00

Ever read something online that ticked you off? The kind that made your blood boil?

I have. I've even written out comments to respond to the ridiculous words I just read. One was by a feminist who believes nursing and not working are two of the worst things a woman can do to herself. I didn't bother hitting "submit" though because it doesn't really matter! If you don't like what you're reading, move on!

I read many blogs whose authors aren't mirror images of my opinion. It doesn't get me angry anymore just because we don't agree. It's just their OPINION. The way they see things based on their experiences and beliefs.

Since parenting consumes me these days, I'd venture to say that 98% of my friends think I'm doing it wrong or weird. I don't fit in the mainstream world. Silas will be breastfed for at least 2 years, we bedshare, I wear him often, I don't leave him very much, I don't let him cry, I don't believe in buy children a ton of toys, and I plan to shelter him from the outside world as long as possible. I don't really fit in the natural world because I have no problem with hospital births. I don't cloth diaper anymore, I am an omnivore, and I'm not super eco-friendly. Since I'm too "natural" to be mainstream and not enough of a hippy to be natural... I rarely agree with everything I read. My point? If you don't like it, stop reading. And also, get over yourself! ::laughs::

So really, if reading something gets you worked up enough to try to start an online fight.. maybe you should not visit that website again.

Babies and weddings

2011-03-29T08:10:00.000-04:00

Maybe it is just me, but I find it so odd when children aren't allowed at weddings. I went to many weddings as a child and had a blast. I've also been to many weddings as an adult and the children are so cute dancing together!

My big question: If children aren't allowed, who scatters petals and carries the rings?

Come to think of it, I've never been to a wedding without kids. I guess you can kind of say that we boycott the ones with a strict policy. Too stuffy maybe?

At the same time, I understand why some couples don't want children at their wedding. Too many parents don't hear how loud their kids are. Or they don't know how to be quiet. Or the screaming baby ruins the moment. Or the 3 year old runs around like he owns the place. I've seen some pretty horrible parenting skills where the parents just have this glazed over "I can't control him/her" look on their face. Or just the flat out "there's no problems, s/he is just being a kid." Um yeah.

Silas has been to 2 weddings. At the first wedding, he didn't make a peep. At the second wedding, he was tired and Neal could tell he was about to fuss, so he took him to the back and walked with him. As a parent, you KNOW your kid's cues. You know when they aren't happy. Sure every once in awhile they might go from 0-60 in a second, but you know. I don't know why parents don't understand that the ceremony is a special moment that needs to be a quiet time. If your kid is 3 and can't sit quiet while doodling, then have dad or someone walk around outside or in the lobby. The reception isn't a problem because there's music and everyone is talking.

So then I wonder, do people not have kids at weddings because they are that stuck up and hate children AND forget that they were once children also? Or is it that SOME parents do a horrible job at keeping little Bobby quiet and seated that the bride doesn't want to deal with the possibility of someone's rugrat stealing the moment from her? Either way, it sucks for those of us who miss weddings because we have children.

Which brings me to my next point. Some people really understand and get it that Silas is a breastfed baby. But then there are others who give me a funny look when I tell them I can't just leave him. Can I get a pedicure without him? Sure! Can I go to dinner without him? Yes. But I don't feel comfortable leaving him for more than an hour or so. It isn't that I have some strange attachment to him and can't cut the strings. It is more so that he is only 10 months old and has a stay-at-home mommy. It would be very traumatic for him (and Neal) if I just up and left one night to go get drunk with the girls.

But I also notice that BECAUSE I take him everywhere I go, he is learning how to be in certain situations. If you don't take you child out in public, they don't learn how to act in public. Church is a great place to practice being quiet and still. If they have never been in a quiet and still environment, then they never master that skill. Now obviously there are times to leave or just realize that this day is not a "good day."

Silas is to an age where right now, it isn't really fun for me to go out to eat. He wants to get down and crawl around. We try to balance passing him around before the meal comes with having him sit in his highchair once the food gets there. Then if he doesn't behave, we go for a walk outside. I won't subject other patrons to my screaming child. That's just rude. Also, we never go to a place that is quiet so if he does start to fuss, nobody notices.

Which brings me to my last point, take your child to child-friendly places! The fanciest we get these days is Olive Garden. If a restaurant like that gets to be too much, when he's 18 months, then we won't go with him! We'll either go without him or go somewhere else. Regardless of where we go, we still maintain certain eating rules. Like he has to sit in his highchair during meals. It isn't for very long, just long enough for me to eat. Some days are good and some days aren't so good. I still put him in there and try to teach him that we sit down at the table for dinner. Perfection is not really a reality, just the idea of learning expectations. Even though he may not always behave as I hope, I still expect him to grasp the concept of manners. And obviously not at 10 months! This is just when training begins. I'm gently showing him what I expect out of him. Right now, it's just routine. Hopefully, as he gets older, he will understand the why behind it. He may not like it, but manners are a big thing with me.

Most people appreciate good behavior. I feel that you need manners to live in the world. Without manners, people do things like miss weddings because kids aren't invited.

Sneezing

2011-03-28T14:49:00.000-04:00

I don't sneeze often, but I've sneezed 4 times today and my nose feel like it will drip at any moment.

So odd....

Silas had a rough morning with teething. Plus I think he was tired from our big weekend in Titusville. Neal helped my stepdad dig up pipes to the pool so they can replace them and then resurface the pool. Lots of crying and unpleasantness involved this morning. After 2 naps and some motrin, he's back to his happy self :-) I wish teething wasn't so mean to my poor baby boy.

So cool

2011-03-25T11:46:00.000-04:00

Hi I'm Rachel and I'm working so hard to be a badass. How so you might ask? I'm going on 45-60 min brisk walks with my baby in a stroller. It might not seem to be such a feat to any regular person out there, but I promise it is! Between Silas and the stroller, I'm pushing 45lbs while walking as fast as I can. Try it, not easy!

My biggest struggle has been trying to stay properly hydrated. Anyone who breaks a sweat has to be aware of hydration levels. But I'm still (avidly) nursing my 10 month old and that sucks the life right out of me. So much so that for the first 6 months, I had zero interest in exercising. It was just too much. I couldn't add that into the mix of things. I'm trying VERY hard to keep my sodium levels up also. After looking on some websites for pre-workout foods, I found an easy and cheap solution...

PRETZELS! Holy cow I love pretzels. Much cheaper than those gels and bars that cost a fortune. I also need to cool off quickly when I come back inside because he is ready to nurse soon. I mean, duh, it's been an hour and my baby needs his boobs hourly! Solution to that? Smoothies! Not only do they curb my appetite, but they are nutritious. The only problem with both of these snacks is that Silas wants them. The kid will not eat a damn thing and gags on babyfood, but he loves smoothies and pretzels. *don't tell the pediatrician* Silas had some smoothie WITH berries. I only let him get a few tastes to make sure he doesn't have an allergy (so far nothing so I think we're safe), but boy does he like smoothies!

Back to me. I am feeling good these days. Financially, we've almost made it a year with a baby on 1 income. We have met our bank account goals too. Now I feel ready to focus on my fitness goals. I wasn't there mentally until a few weeks ago. It's weird because when I was pregnant, getting back into shape really took hold of my thoughts. Then the baby came and he rocked my world (in only the best way possible of course), but still. I had no urge to hit the pavement walking, let alone running. Now that we've decided to halt any future pregnancies for at least a year or two, I am thinking about me again.

So I might not be a super mom who runs half marathons with her baby in tow, I still feel cool.

College romance

2011-03-24T15:59:00.000-04:00

It's not fair. Neal and I went to high school together (he was a junior when I was a freshman), but we didn't know each other. I knew of him because he was a twin and had a ridiculous van. On my walk into school, I would usually see him and Ryan parking. I'm not sure if we would have ended up together if we had known each other back then... but I still wish we had started a long time ago.

I miss that we didn't get all of those years together . We crossed paths since we were young children! Church, summer camp, our dads worked together, he knew my brother, and then 2 years together in high school. It's kind of a weird feeling to be so nostalgic about it all.

Most of all, I wish we had college together. We only met once we were both full-time professional "adults" who only get 2 weeks vacation each year. So unfair. I wish we had winter, spring, and summer breaks to do nothing but be together. Maybe a part-time job at Publix or whatever, but just that time where you're doing nothing. Days spent listening to music, talking about what life means, and who you are or want to be. Not that I'm complaining. I spent many summers with wonderful people making memories. And I also spent my summers in foreign countries getting "cultured" or whatever it is that is supposed to happen there.

Only getting weekends and evenings together feels like I'm getting the short-hand. I guess I just have to let time march on and have time together as we're allowed.

I love my husband.

Direction

2011-03-23T09:49:00.000-04:00

With Silas being 10 months old, Neal and I are having a big discussion. It gets brought up nearly daily. Should we have another baby or stop with Silas. I am SO content with just him. He has added so much to my life and has rocked my world in every way I had hoped. But I can't help wondering if I can maintain this happiness with two kids. Will finances be too tight? Will I be constantly exhausted like so many of my friends with 2 or more seem to be? I know I'll miss out on some stuff with Silas during the third trimester and the first few months. Whether it's simply playing with him like I normally do or taking him places. I am not a fan of bringing newborns out in public (and neither is my doctor).

I guess part of me is selfish towards Silas and I can't imagine another kid taking away from my devotion. Plus, the first 6 months are INTENSE. I enjoyed it, but it took every ounce of me. One reason a lot of people don't like exclusive breastfeeding is because you literally have a baby attached to you all day. Maybe #2 will go between breast and bottle, but I won't count on it. I also won't force a baby to take a bottle since I'm a SAHM. We tried it will Silas a few times and he was seriously pissed off and didn't calm down for hours. Besides, I really enjoy nursing and I really hate pumping. And formula isn't an option for us. That's part of the reason I HAD to make breastfeeding work even though we had a rough start. If he was on formula, I had to work. Financially, it would be a burden.

That's another reason I am having a hard time making room for #2. We have a monthly buffer that I enjoy. At a minimum, babies cost $75/month the first year. I get my diapers with coupons on Amazon for $20-25/month. But there are always extra costs. Add in the hospital bill payments too.. and it's around $75. As they get older, they become more expensive.

To me, whoever said money doesn't make you happy isn't considering how the lack of money can make you miserable. We don't have a lot, but we do have enough. Plus, I like my lifestyle. If I had to take it down a notch, I might be stressed.

I'm not writing any of this looking for advice, I just am thinking out loud.

Who am I?

2011-03-17T16:08:00.000-04:00

I've spent much of my life wondering who I am or who I will be one day. In high school, I wondered where I'd go to college. In college, I wondered where I would work and how I would go about my life. Would I ever get married? Have children? Where would I live?

To much of my surprise, I'm living in Brevard County, married, and a stay-at-home mom. Wow. 20-year old Rachel might not have smiled at this picture. I'm almost 27 though. In the past 7 years I've left home, lived in Miami, graduated college, wondered a little bit lost, worked as a temp, landed a "real" job, and then got married (which also includes the house, 2 cats, yard, and kid). With a little bit of "ah-ha!" I must admit that I'm glad to not be in the Titusville area. Living in Rockledge makes me feel like I'm not such a townie, even if I do treasure Titusville.

For the first time, I don't wonder who I am and where I'll be. I'm very secure with where I am in life and I'm so happy. At the same time, who I am isn't much about me at all! I spend most of my time on the baby. Some of my time on my husband and even less of my time on my house. "Me" comes dead last and I'm more than fine with that. If I ever got to a point where I needed to spend more time on "me," I'd do it. Maybe this lack of interest in myself is because I am actually secure?

Take my hair for example. I haven't gotten it highlighted, colored, or cut since last April. But I LOVE my hair right now! It's thick, long, curly, and has a natural look about it. Plus, I wear it in a ponytail during the week, so any highlights or styling would be covered. On the weekends, when I "let my hair down" (haha), I love the look. I have thick/strong hair, so even though it hasn't been cut, it doesn't look strangly or dead.

My house has never been such a mess or so unorganized. But I don't care. I have baby toys strewn across the living room, my dvds are no longer in order (Silas likes to pull them down and I love watching him do it), there's always laundry to do, and I have barely been in the 2 spare rooms in over a year. But I simply don't care about unimportant things. What is important? That my family is happy and my floors are clean for Silas to crawl.

I hope that I never wonder who I am again. I probably will, but for right now, I'm enjoying the peace of knowing who I am and where I fit in the world.

Naptime

2011-03-10T08:22:00.000-05:00

Silas has always been a heavy napper. Until about a month ago, he still took 3 naps a day! For the first 4-5 months, he slept 18-20 hours a day! Then he started becoming a little more awake during the day, but he still needed 3-4 naps. I literally couldn't keep him awake because he would fall asleep sitting up. Now any mom who doesn't have a sleeper... please don't hate me! While he liked his sleep, he wanted to usually sleep on me or near me (or else he screamed bloody murder).

Well last weekend we went to Disney with my mom and 5-yr old cousin. Silas has gotten down to 2 naps a day, but the first was an hour and the second was 2 hours. Ever since Disney and being around a big boy, Silas' naps have not been "normal"!! On Monday we were sick, so I don't remember what happened really. On Tuesday, he slept for 30 min in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon. Then he went to bed at like 9 that night. Yesterday, he slept for an hour in the morning and 30 minutes in the afternoon, but was a little cranky around 4:45. When I nursed him he fell asleep! I tried to wake him but he screamed and looked miserable. I let him sleep for 20 minutes before waking him up again.

SO! I guess I'm going to try the shorter morning nap and longer afternoon nap. I hope this is the right combination. I feel like he's zooming towards just 1 nap a day. From everything I've read, many babies go to the 1 nap around a year. My parenting style is based on instinct, research, and cues from Silas, so it isn't always cut and dry. Although I am not a Babywise kind of mom, I do envy the ease of the schedule. It would have never worked on my baby because he has NEVER been predictable (with or without my help). It seems like as soon as I get used to a routine, something happens. The only consistent thing has been bedtime. He has pretty much always slept from 9pm-7am (dream nursing during the night of course). I didn't DO anything to make this happen, he slept like this after the first night we brought him home. The first night, I foolishly assumed he would sleep in the co-sleeper we got him. HA! He woke up the second I even thought about laying him down. When my mom showed me how to nurse him on my side in bed, well my life forever changed in a wonderful way :)

For today, I will try the shorter morning nap and longer afternoon one. Fingers crossed!

Television

2011-03-09T10:54:00.000-05:00

Before I go into my little rant on infant television watching.. I have to add that I don't *hate* the TV. I love watching the office if I'm having a hard time going to sleep and I use Silas' naptime to watch my shows. That being said....

Neal and I got rid of cable a few months ago since I don't want Silas growing up addicted to it. I also think that the commercials aren't very good. Plus, you can accidentally leave the tv on after watching a *good* show and then something inappropriate will come on. BAM! Next thing you know, your kid is staring at a VS model in skimpy ruffles.

I want my kid to be innocent and protected. This mom is definitely NOT in the camp that thinks "it's everywhere, you can't protect them." Ummm as Silas' mom, that is my JOB to protect him. For my house, that means little tv time each day and the shows are only positive, happy, moral shows.

So what do we do without the tv as background noise? Music! Silas loves his country and nursery rhymes. Some of my friends say that they have to put on a show to get things done around the house. I guess that's why my laundry is always piled somewhere and my house is never fully clean? Eh I'll pay that price ;) I will tell you one thing, it's a lot of work to live without the television as an entertainer. We tend to rotate going outside, dancing to music, singing songs, and playing with toys between nap time. When I need to cook, I put Silas in the playpen in the kitchen. He is far too active at this point to keep him in the moby while cooking and I can't let him out of my sight or he will try to climb up something dangerous. I've baby-proofed my house as much as possible, but with a baby, anything can be dangerous.

Some moms say that I'll change my mind about tv if we have more kids. I might. But I've never been a huge tv fan who has "must watch" shows. I feel so unproductive if I just sit and watch tv. Neal makes fun of me for always multi-tasking while watching a movie. But seriously, why not fold laundry while I'm just sitting there!?

I grew up without cable because we couldn't afford it. And for awhile, we didn't even have a tv. It's totally doable. I think I'm up for the challenge ;)

9.5 months

2011-03-08T08:14:00.000-05:00

I have no time for blogging these days. I seriously have no idea who other moms do it. Between housework (which is calling my name btw), the baby, the husband, and a little time to just vegetate (ha!).. well I am rarely on top of it all.

I've had some people send me emails asking me how I do "it all." The first time I read one of them, I was soooo confused. I don't do it all! My big priorities are my family and happiness. Everything else comes after that. Thanks to my blackberry, I'm able to use facebook while nursing Silas so it might *seem* like I have a lot of time on my hands. But it's really just a minute here and there when he's nursing. I don't play xbox or fb games or do crafty things or bake or even keep my house the way I'd like to! I just want to keep my family happy :-)

My happiness and enjoyment of life apparently creates this facade that everything else in life gets completed. But that's just not the case.

The latest accomplishments of Silas include:

- Only 2 naps a day (I thought this day would never come!!)
- crawling all over the floor
- Being very quizzical and analytical (he wants to know how his toys works and figures it out
- standing on his own (he has to be entertained or else he sits back down)
- sitting down from a standing position
- babbling like crazy and talking to us like we can understand him
- His 2nd upper tooth is about to pop through within the next week or so
- drinking from a real cup with help of course :)
- His emotions are evolving also! He feels frustration and throws somewhat of a temper tantrum! Very funny to watch him throw his head back and scream in frustration. Sometimes he gets over it by himself, sometimes he needs me. This is when nursing comes in handy! Nursing him for even 30 seconds is somewhat of a reset button to how he's feeling. I definitely see this being handy as he gets older!! Comfort nursing is one of those benefits that is incredibly useful as they get older. It only takes a few seconds because once he calms down, he is ready to go again. Anyhow, I HIGHLY recommend nursing for this reason. Sometimes, all he needs is a little hug, but sometimes, nursing does the trick even better.

I only have a few people in my circle who have nursed for 2-4 years, but all of them talk about this benefit of nursing. While it's very nutritional as they go into toddler and preschool years, it's also a wonderful way to provide comfort and security when they need it most! Nobody talks about extending Bfing and it's benefits. Hollywood just makes fun of it and people get a weird look on their face if the subject is brought up. Since I'm a SAHM, I have the capability to do this and I feel so grateful for it. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be in this boat if I was working.

Well Silas has had enough Barney for now and is ready to settle down for his morning nap :-)

I wasn't sure if he'd crawl since he was so interested in walking, but now it's like he doesn't care about walking as much. It doesn't matter to me when he walks. There seems to be this whole "battle" between moms regarding milestones. I frankly don't care! haha It doesn't matter in the end and whether Silas walks at 10 months or 14 months, he'll walk one day! My parenting style is pretty laid back and, while I encourage Silas and stimulate him (hello, I interact with him ALL day) I'm not stressing about his abilities.

This takes me back to the emails I get. I never know how to respond because another question I get is how to get their baby to do "X." I'm assuming this is because Silas has done some things, like sitting and standing, fairly early. I just follow his signs and offer him opportunities to do things.

Dinner time

2011-01-13T17:42:00.000-05:00

I think that I might be creating a new blog. Mostly for myself. I want to write down the dinners I make so I can come back to them easily. Plus, in case anyone is interested, my grocery budget is about $300/month and I do a great job making good food for that budget.

I've watched shows and read blogs for cheap, time-friendly meals. But I don't consider $10 for a dinner to be cheap. Plus that never includes the "staples" that can add up quickly. Seriously, $10 a meal at home? That's not cheap. Also, I need meals that are practical and can allow me to care for a baby at the same time.

So let's see how good I am at keeping up with this. It should only take a few minutes a day to update.

Typical day

2011-01-06T08:08:00.000-05:00

While I've always felt so grateful to be a mommy (waiting 2 years before actually TTC is HARD when you really want a baby), some months were easier than others. I don't think I can say that we had a rough month, but his 2nd month, he was a bit fussy if I wasn't holding him on my chest. The housework was let to go and my marriage was somewhat put on hold. Luckily Neal is WONDERFUL and stepped up to help and was very understanding.

These days are just plain fun though! At 7.5 months, Silas is very predictable, good-natured baby who rarely cries. He might do this little moan/fuss if he's tired or hungry, but that's it!

I really just want to capture the happiness of the moment for me to always rememer and I figure that this blog is the best way to do it. I'll start with the night since it's almost half of our day. He sleeps 10-11 hours each night. Night nursings are still very normal, but since he's in bed with me, I don't wake up! Neal was up watching TV and saw him roll over, find my nipple, nursed for a minute or two, and was asleep again. He said that I didn't miss a breath and slept through it all! lol I LOVE IT!!!! The three of us snuggling in the morning is one of my favorite parts of the day.

Our days vary depending on if we go to Disney, Titusville, lunch with Daddy, visit with a friend, or a mommy group. I never thought that I would have so much freedom with a baby but Silas doesn't sleep very much during the day anymore. We work his naps around car rides and it all works out during the nap.

If we're at home, we wake up around 7 and everyone gets the day started with showers, breakfast, initial cleaning, etc. Neal leaves at 7:45 and we play for about an hour until Silas gets sleepy. I've learned that he is the type of baby who needs to expel a lot of energy and make himself sleepy. He fights it when I try to get him to nap when I think he should. It usually ends up in tears and no sleep. But if we play play play until he yawns, then he goes right off to sleep without a problem. The morning nap is the most predictable in terms of "when" but for how long, it varies 30-60 minutes.

He wakes up and we just do a rotation of playing and nursing. A lot of people think that babies will nurse less as they get older. From all of the breastfeeding moms that I know, it's not usually true. If he gets frustration, bangs a toy on his head, or just needs some comfort, he will nurse for a minute or two and go back to playing. When the dr asks me how often he nurses, I just give the textbook 3 hours and she seems happy with it. This is hard for me because I want to be honest, but most drs are so formula oriented and don't have a clue about a real, normal breastfeeding relationship. It's not just a means for food it's a unique relationship that has a ton of meanings.

Ok back to our day. Sometimes Silas takes 2 afternoon naps and sometimes just 1 long nap. Either way, we just rotate playing with different toys, running around in the walker, and dancing to music. I try to be interactive with him while also letting him explore on his own. It's a busy day that leaves me tired by 9pm and I'm loving motherhood more and more!

I thought that having a boy meant no cute clothes. This is so not true! I keep him super comfy at home. When we go out, I make him super cute. Between his hair (which is starting to curl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), blue eyes, chubby cheeks, and his constant "dada" with squeals, people flock to this baby. I can't believe we created such a joyful darling :-)

//signing off with tremendous pride!

7 months

2010-12-28T12:24:00.000-05:00

My ability to actually get to a computer and then have enough time to blog has diminished greatly. If we had a laptop, it'd be different. Or if I could write posts on my blackberry, I'd write a lot more. Contrary to popular belief, being a housewife doesn't mean that I have loads of free time. I'm at my mom's, Silas is asleep, and she doesn't have cable.... so an update!

Silas is getting very active these days. He is constantly playing and interacting with me. His naps have been greatly reduced to a total of about 3 hours a day. He sleeps 10-11 hours at night. After a busy day though, he needs more napping time the next day. Solid foods are still not a big favorite of his. He HATES baby food and gets lockjaw when he sees it. I've completely given up on purees. Avacado, banana, blueberries, and rice cakes are his regulars, but now that he's getting older, I'm going to try out some cheese. He had baby yogurt and seemed to like it a lot without any issues.

His personality is really starting to come out. I see his interests and humor more and more every day. Daddy is still the best at getting his belly laughs and they have a little ticklefest every night. The walker is a huge part of his day because he can expend a lot of energy running around in it. He isn't a furniture cruiser quite yet, but I think that'll happen very soon. He's showing lots of signs that he'll be an early walker. Sometimes older people tell me these outrageous things like that their kid walked 6 months. I looked up some info online and 9 months is considered pretty early. Their memory might be a little *cloudy* to put it nicely. Up until recently I was expecting him to walk at 6 or 7 months because of his strength! Now I have some better perspective and I'm guessing 9 or 10 months.

Oh and he has 2 toofers! They are adorable and he is starting to show them off a little. He is also starting to squeal quite a bit. He is kind of a quiet baby, but that's changing daily. When he's upset, he goes "muhmuhmuhmuhmuh" and my heart melts.

His first christmas was awesome with lots of love and family time. He is also well-stocked with new, age-appropriate toys that don't bore him.

I'm still loving my baby boy and can't wait for next christmas!

Hiatus

2010-11-20T04:56:00.000-05:00

Hello blogging world, it's been awhile. Between the increasing demands of my baby and my lack of things I want to write about, I've been a little MIA. Plus I can't update from my phone anymore which is a real PITA! Yes Rachel Davis, I just wrote PITA again :P

So let's see, my life is a whirlwind of craziness where I find myself wondering what happened to the day or the week or the month. I'm still very much grateful that I get to spend every single moment with Silas even though my legs are lucky to see a razor once a week. It's just if I kept up with things like blogging, my legs, my hair, the laundry, friends, etc.... well I'd be that overtired, resentful mom that I REALLY don't want to be.

For my entire life, I've required more sleep than everyone else. In high school, I was in bed by 9pm because I literally could not keep my eyes open. In college, I dreaded going out because I knew that my head wouldn't hit the pillow until 4am. Lame? Maybe. As a mommy, I go to sleep when the baby does (around 8pm). Usually, I wake up at 3 or 4 though. THAT is annoying, but I can't seem to stay awake past 9pm. It's a cycle of going to bed early and waking up early. Usually, I just stay in bed snuggled with my two favorite people and doink around on my phone. But facebook was boring and not much happened between 8pm and 3am. I guess everyone else was out doing something social??? So I checked out twitter and saw a few of my favorite moms participated in a twitter wine party. Now I'm jealous. I want to drink and tweet with cool semi-celeb blogging moms!!!

Instead, it's just me and the cats at 5am on the computer writing about nothing. Big comeback huh? lol Speaking of cats, Silas loves his kitties. When the come towards him he gets SUPER excited and squeals. And when he pets them, he leans in for a kiss and again squeals. Peaches puts up with it very well. Twinkles is sort of curious but then decides he has better things to do (like sit in a corner staring at the wall). Yesterday, I picked up twinkles so Silas could pet him for a minute. This kid actually pets the cat. It's very loving and very sweet. Well old twinkadink starts doing that cat cry/moan and then Silas starts crying in response!! It took a good 10 minutes of me doing my happy mommy faces/voice before Silas forgot about the terrible incident that just occurred. What a soft-hearted baby!!!

I'm going to be in a wedding. Rachel's wedding that is. She graciously picked out bridesmaids dresses that fits my ginormous milk-filled breasts, doesn't have to be altered, and is nursing friendly. I ordered it immediately and it's very pretty. Plus I now have a red dress. Oh and it's only 30 bucks. Attention all brides, unless your friends are loaded, follow in these footsteps and go to target.com to get your bridesmaids dress. They will forever love you and your wedding will be the cool wedding instead of the "event" that raised your credit card debt by $500.

Speaking of money, we are doing fine and dandy living off of Neal's wages! I've very proud of us for doing it. Sure we eat cheaper foods, but somehow I've lost 7lbs since I really buckled down a few weeks ago. With the holidays coming, I had to cut costs somewhere to make sure I can spend a lousy $10-20 on my loved ones. Yeah yeah it's the thought that counts. Bull-sha-nanny. Everyone knows that opening up a $5o gift is way better than homemade bath balls (thank you martha stewart). But sorry loved ones, being at home with my baby is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more important than warm fuzzy feelings at Christmas. Besides, office jobs suck. I really can't relate to people who say they love their job. I loved school though and most people hated that, so let's call it even? Seriously, I worked a full-time good-paying job for 3 years. Being at home is a million times better than sitting in the cubicle listening to conversations from 4 cubicles away about the office bitch (the OB) that nobody likes (and she was 1 cubicle closer so I KNOW she heard all the gossip too). Speaking of the OB, for being such a miserable person she was very religious. Her calendar was marked with daily virtue prayers. One time when she was on vacation, another co-worker and myself checked out her prayer book. She had all these notes in it about how she shows love and kindness towards others. We looked at each other like: Whaaaaaat?! This is the person who tattletaled on EVERYONE.

OK maybe I miss a few people and a few good times at work. But honestly, that was only 1% of the time. The rest of the time I was listening to my ipod, trying not to munch on food, wishing time would speed up, and thinking about how productive I could be outside of work.

4 months old... well he's almost 4.5 months now!

2010-10-01T07:01:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the blogging break... if I even had readers now! We've been a little busy. My boy is getting VERY active and doesn't nap as much. When he does nap, I want to get stuff done or maybe squeeze in a few sit-ups? Thankfully, my child who HATED to be out of my arms is very nicely progressing to talking nice walks in the stroller, playing in the exersaucer, and enjoying tummy time! My mom and grandma said that my brother was a lot like Silas, kind of annoyed (I think that's the right word) as a newborn. He wanted to get up and go, but was stuck in a baby body. Even fresh out of the NICU, this kid wanted to be high on your shoulder looking around- forget that baby crap of being cradled. Still, I enjoyed holding him nearly 24/7... not that I don't still hold him a lot :-) It's just that now we're on the floor exploring blocks, Scout, teething toys, etc.

Right on his 4 month birthday, he gave us a full-belly laugh! I was kissing his tummy and he was dying with laughter! It was one of the best moments with him so far. Now I tickle him all the time after I'm done changing his diaper and he even anticipates it with a pre-laugh. He's really getting into that fun stage of being a baby.

As far as milestones, he's lifting up his head 180 degrees during tummy time, rolls from back to front (the dr said if he can do that, he has the ability to do front to back also), he can sit up for several seconds leaning on his hands, he can sit completely independent for a few seconds, he can stand while balancing with just one hand holding on to something, he's picking up spoons and such, and he's making more sounds while babbling.

Everyone asks about "schedules" and to be honest, most babies this young can't really be on a set schedule. Between growth spurts, teething, developments, etc.. Ive watched a lot of friends go crazy fighting the schedule! That being said, he does sort of have a routine when everything is normal (which is most of the time). I just don't like to die by the clock right now. The older he gets, the more predictable he gets. Plus, I'd rather read his cues, than the time. It works for us

midnight: nurse on left side while we both fall back asleep

5am: mommy still wakes up from having her job at the cape for 3 years, go pee, check his diaper (sometimes he barely pees during the night, sometimes he soaks it), nurse on right side (this prevents either side from getting too engorged overnight)

7am: wake up, change diaper, mommy eats, say bye to daddy, then nurse.

8am Play a little while mommy cleans, then go for a walk

9am: Change diaper (he pees a lot first thing in the morning), nurse until he falls asleep

1030am: wake up, sometimes nurse if he fell asleep fast earlier, play a LOT, mommy eats around 11:30

Noon: Change diaper, nurse, take a short nap, I usually hold him for this one because he doesn't sleep deep, it's kind of a snooze.

1pm: Play play play!

3pm: Diaper change, nurse, and afternoon nap (I get a lot of stuff done because it's a 2 hour nap)

5pm: Wake up, nurse, diaper change, play until Daddy comes home, play in the high-chair while the parents eat, then play with Daddy for awhile

7:30pm: Start winding down for bed, bath, PJs, book, nurse, etc.

8-ish pm: Bedtime!!

PS- everything in this "schedule" is variable and subject to change!! lol :-)

Grandma and cousins

2010-08-24T18:49:00.000-04:00

I'm sure they'll have fun teaching Silas a thing or two... lol!!!

Josh Week and Grandma Day

2010-08-23T19:01:00.000-04:00

My brother was home!!! He also brought his girlfriend Maryann who is already a family member. I've never disliked any of his girlfriends, but she's one of my favorites :-) Here is a picture of the first time Josh actually got to see Silas and when Maryann rocked him as he slept.

Cute!!!

Sleepy little baby, he was WORN OUT!!!

We didn't get to participate in most of the activities since all we do is nurse, sleep, and poop still. But that's okay, it was waaaaay too hot outside (a real feel of around 104 every day).

I wish josh could live down here, but it's understandable considering he only has 2 more years of school left. If josh ever gets back home, it would be awesome. He belongs here and Silas needs someone to teach him sports ;-) Plus, every kid needs his fun uncle to help him get in trouble!

On Sunday, we wanted to spend the day with Neal's parents, but his dad had to work... so it was just grandma! We got there right before he had to leave, and as expected, Silas spit-up on him. He rarely spits-up, but of course wanted grandpa to change his shirt. lol

Then we spent the afternoon/evening chatting and watching tv. Silas has a big connection with his grandma Ann. That baby is content just to sleep on her all afternoon. She's like a baby whisperer with him! I mean, he is good with Neal and me, but other people???? I guess she just has that touch! It was nice to cuddle on the couch as a couple too. It's hard to relax when most people hold him because he starts crying. Then they pass him back to me and I have to calm a crying baby. Both of his grandmas are very good at keeping him happy, which is a relief to me. Ok I lied, uncle Josh is Silas' favorite person ever. I have never seen that baby smile so much as when Josh got a hold of him.

One very fun thing about motherhood is watching Silas make connections with other people. Even at this young age, I love seeing him make eye contact and feeling secure with others. Plus, I can just sit back and watch.

Speaking of grandparents, Neal's dad cracks me up!! He is one of the most adorable grandpa's I've ever seen. Overall, it's fun watching our parents become grandparents. They get to have all the fun in the world. Ann was talking to Silas and telling him that he can come over to her house anytime he wants and that he can always talk to her. Then we all started talking about how important it is for children to have other adults to talk to. When life seems unfair and parents don't understand, grandparents can be a safe haven and a break. I'm sure that he will have many fun and busy weekends with both sets of grandparents throughout the years.

3 months

2010-08-22T05:42:00.000-04:00

My son has changed me as a person, wife, mother, being.

For a moment, I considered life without this precious baby and I knew that it wasn't filled with as much love. Adding him to my life has added love. A love that can't be added any other way.

His sweet smiles that are rare, but so charismatic, make me beam from inside. When he smiles, I feel so worthy. Usually a serious baby, when he whips out his big grin, my entire body melts with love. I can see the future person. I feel the love that he has towards us and his appreciation. I also wonder if he realizes how happy this trio truly is???

Will he appreciate his parents' marriage that is full of love, passion, and friendship? I hope he doesn't take it for granted because this love isn't common.

I wish that he will view the world and be raw with it. I don't want a son who fits into a box contained inside of a bubble. He should think his own thoughts with consideration of those around him. My desire is that he will preview his ideas with an open mind and heart. I don't want him to judge or reject the unknown because it isn't familiar to him.

This journey of how I view the world took me many years to discover. Now I regret my past for not appreciating the beauty in diversity. Thinking a unique thought is what makes us human.

My sweet Silas baby, I love you with everything inside of me. You are the product of love and I hope that you will grow up appreciating this.

Perspectives, opinions, trash talking, whatever

2010-08-21T18:53:00.000-04:00

To prevent making matters worse... I'm sorry for any offensive post I've ever made. They are simply words that are vented to leave my mind and stay in blogland.

Besides, actions are supposed to speaker louder and some problems can't be fixed easily.

Perspective is everything and practically everyone trash talks others. Unless you've never said a foul thing about anyone else, don't complain. It happens. Most of the time, I bitch in response- actions have reactions. Laws of physics sometimes apply to laws of psychology.

I have a baby to attend to and a husband to love. Good bye!

Clean house

2010-08-14T19:36:00.000-04:00

Considering that I have a 3 month old and a husband who is gone for 10 hours a day, I'd say my house is pretty clean. I'm one of those freaks who like her house to be spotless and ready for southern homes and garden to enter at any given time. It is my dream to have the perfect yard and the perfect house (Neal is the same way too). However, I'm quite realistic in the fact that I have a 3-month old little boy who requires almost all of my attention. I wasn't blessed with a baby who will happily play on his playmat or swing in the swing. This kid wants to bounce, walk, rock, nurse, be sung to, etc. If not, he's screaming bloody murder until he is gasping for air. As Dr. Sears says, he's a high needs baby. So my house cannot be perfect every single day.

And I'm okay with that.

Instead I've looked at various cleaning schedules and methods to figure out how I can best keep my home clean (even if it isn't perfect). Somewhere out there, I came across a cleaning method that is soooo perfect to have with a baby/busy schedule/lazy cleaning/whatever.

Assign each cleaner to a day in the week. It's sooo ridiculously easy that I can't believe I haven't thought of it first. Here's an example:
Monday: Windows/Mirrors
Tuesday: Dust
Wednesday: All-purpose bathroom
Thursday: Floor cleaner
Friday: Kitchen

Seriously, just 10 minutes a day to keep your house clean. Floor day may take more time depending on pets, floor type, etc. I used to clean by room and lug around a ton of crap all over the house.

For glass/mirrors and dusting. I use a microfiber towel. The towel is great for glass and mirrors because it doesn't leave stuff particles like paper towels and it's eco-friendly.

The bathrooms are the easiest because I just make sure to use both during the day. After I'm done doing my business, I clean the toilets, shower/tub, and sink area. Using an all-purpose cleaner is the easiest route and because this task is done weekly, there's no need for harsh cleaners. I also keep an all-purpose cleaner in both bathrooms and the kitchen. Easy access makes it easier to clean more often.

Floors are actually done in my house a few times a week because of the cats. Plus, I have wood and tile so it doesn't take long to sweep.

I also do a good cleaning of the kitchen once a week. Clean the stove-top, fridge, dishwasher front, countertops, and island. I use my all-purpose cleaner in the spray bottle so I'm saving money and using the same stuff. The kitchen takes the longest because we throw out food, wipe down all surfaces, and organize... crap?! I don't know how stuff gets on the countertops, but it does! .

Neal REALLY helps with the kitchen and laundry. While I'm nursing Silas, he puts up the laundry and does the dishes. I try to thank him daily for it because it encourages him to keep up the effort and it honestly is appreciated.

Daily stuff includes laundry, dishes, and clutter. Setting aside one day as THE laundry day have never been of interest to me. My mom did laundry every day of the week to keep on top of things and I am the same way. Saving laundry for a Saturday seems like a burden. Whenever I have a load, I do it. Diapers are daily and I usually do 5-6 more loads between sheets, towels, rugs, whites, and darks. When I wake up, I do my diapers and about an hour before Neal comes home I do the other load so that I can take care of everything fresh out of the dryer.

Decluttering: Whenever either Neal or I can do it, we de-clutter the main area of the house. We also try to put stuff away as we use it. A few minutes here or there during the day help out a LOT. I realized this when Silas came home and Neal went back to work. It's usually 1-3 times a day and it makes a HUGE difference. De-cluttering often usually takes 5 minutes to do and it helps the house look a LOT better. We keep the baby toys in a big laundry tub that I picked up from walmart and his baby stuff stays folded and in the corner unless it's in use.

I think that's it for cleaning. I know this was long, but once your routine is set, it's very very VERY simple. Neal and I both are used to just doing stuff when the other person has the baby. I look at it as a bit of workout too lol!! Maybe I can convince him to do a blog on his man-chores to let you know his schedule that he's made???

Let me know if you have questions about this or if you feel I've left anything out!!

Fresh squeezed milk

2010-08-13T14:08:00.000-04:00

Some of you may find this disgusting, but I hope you find it hilarious.

Most of you know that I hate pumping. It's a pain in the butt and I don't enjoy it. I wake up with VERY full breasts in the morning, usually one is more full because I switch which one I feed with each night. To prevent getting clogged ducts, when I get up (Silas is still sleeping) I started manually expressing milk AKA squeezing them. Seriously, cup and squeeeeeeze!! It shoots out like a kitchen sink sprayer into the little bottle. In 2 minutes top, I've relieved my engorgement and the end product is around 2oz.

Yes that's a Christmas gingerbread man spoon rest in my kitchen. He's too cute that I couldn't put him away. Besides, I came from a doublewide in Mims, I'm allowed to have ONE christmas thing year-round :-)

Anyhow, my mom spent the night last night. She, errr "Santa," gave me a spa certificate for 3 services last Christmas. I was waiting to use them towards the end of my pregnancy, but by that point, I could barely move (let alone roll my big belly on a table to get sugar scrubbed). I have to use it by the end of November, so I was thinking now that he's a little older and not QUITE as needy, I could let her watch him for the 4 hours it will take to get my treatments. So after Neal went to work, she got the bottle of fresh milk and tried to give it to him. We did a bottle once before and he HATED it, then screamed for 2 hours. Needless to say, it was a total failure this time too. He SCREAMED bloody murder until she passed him to me. He started searching for a nipple, so I whipped it out for him. Again, screamed from the utter confusion. What were we doing to him?!?! Silly boy!

He finally settled down and just kept looking at us, as if to say, "Don't you ever try that again!" Typical breast baby. I'm sure if he were hungry enough, he'd take it. But I don't think I'm ready to leave him for that long. I REALLY enjoy sharing every moment with him. Soon, he'll be a busy little boy with school, sports, and friends. This infancy stage is so short in time and you seriously never get this back.

The new plan is to wait until October or November. One of the services I want is a pedicure and I could nurse him then. I'll get my scrub and massage first during his afternoon nap. Then my mom can come to the day spa to let me nurse him as my feet are soaking. Grandma and Silas can walk around the garden outside while I get my tootsies dolled-up. Until then, it's massages and foot scrubs from my spectacular husband, not too bad ;-)

Before ending this post......................
Here's a picture of my Ralph Lauren hooded cuteness watching Little Einsteins

Cloth Diaper info

2010-08-12T11:15:00.000-04:00

I wanted to share my CD system that I have in hopes to show everyone how easy it is to cloth diaper.

This is called a pocket diaper (my favorite): First you start out with the empty diaper and inserts. I add 2 for mine because Silas pees a LOT. The first picture is simply what the outside looks like. You can see the opening where you stuff the inserts.

Next is the part where you stuff!

Then you put it on similar to a disposable except this kind snaps on (there are velcro ones available).

Snap to fit bigger or smaller and you're done!!

Now let's move on to covers. These diapers are the cheapest by far, BUT not as soft (still softer than disposables though) and they don't wick the moisture away like the pocket diaper because of the inner material used.

Fold the cloth to fit the cover

Place the cloth in (this one has a flap to keep it in place)

Put it on baby and velcro/snap to fit

LAST BUT NOT LEAST!! Organization :-) I bought a large container. When I wash my diapers, I do the stuffing immediately so they are ready to go when I need them! It seriously is easy, 10 minutes? He only poops 2-3 times a week and it sprays off easily. Besides that, I just throw it in the diaper pail, taking out the inserts first.

akrubfvajeiuberv

2010-08-10T20:11:00.000-04:00

Ahhhh!!! I'm TRYING TO PAY MY HOSPITAL BILL AND "THEY" WON'T LET ME!!!

I've also had to pass the baby to Neal for 30 minutes while I fight with this stupid system. Poor Silas wants mommy and poor Neal is deal with Silas.

Neal is singing to him and Silas is sniffling. Fail. Total fail.

special kind of stupid

2010-08-09T14:27:00.000-04:00

What kind of idiot gets the baby to nap in the crib for the first time and wakes the baby up by taking a picture?

This one!!!!

I used to have work projects, then I had house projects, now I have baby projects. My latest project is to have him take his long afternoon nap in his crib. Let me explain....

Last Thursday, my momma came over to spend the night. She wanted to help me with Silas and around the house. We were talking and she said that I'm looking a little worn from carrying an almost 17lb baby around 24/7. She's all for co-sleeping and other attachment parenting techniques, BUT she also had a large baby and knows what its like. Needless to say, he showed off when grandma was here by sleeping from 9pm until 9am!! We had coffee, chatted at the kitchen table, watched the animals in the oak tree, and really enjoyed a nice morning together. When Silas woke up, he was a complete doll and gave grandma cubby lots of laughs and coos. I let her take him while I took a bubble bath!! Yes!!! An actual relaxing bath!!! Ahhhhh! So divine and NEEDED. The muscles (from carrying Silas) were soothed and the legs were shaved.

During our chat, she told me that I need to let him nap in the crib because he'll sleep better, deeper, and longer. Plus, she said I'm looking tired. I agreed with her. By 7pm, I'm feeling cranky and ready for bed myself. My ultimate goal is to get him to take his naps in his crib and sleep there at night until he wakes up. He's very good at sleeping until somewhere around 3am. And that's only to nurse for 5 min and go back to sleep immediately. Luckily, I've been blessed with a baby who treasures a good night's rest. He also falls asleep easily, always has. I love having him in bed with me, but I feel that I actually wake him up with my movements sometimes. Plus, Neal and I need to be free to do our 'thing' at night. Right now, that only happens during naps on the weekends- not a recipe for spontaneous lovin.' Momma and I talked about all of this stuff and its canny how much Silas is like his uncle Josh was 27 years ago!! He's a high needs baby for the most part, needing to be reassured that his world is okay. He was fussing with my mom while in the car while I was driving. When he fusses, he completely closes his eyes as if he is shutting out the world lol! The funny part was that she said the EXACT same thing I tell him, "open up your eyes Silas!" Because when he does that and sees a smiling face, he immediately realizes that he's fine :-) LOL!!! Josh reincarnated! I asked my mom when josh stopped being so emotionally needy and she said, "he still is!!!" Hehe!!

So back to the bath.... I get dressed, come out, and grandma was holding him while he napped!! She was supposed to show me the ropes of putting him down! Hahaha His sweetness while sleeping is quite addictive. Later in the afternoon, we were shopping and had him sleep in the stroller. He did very well too :-)

Being that she was here on a friday, I let the weekend slide. We're rarely at home during nap times and therefore, I never try any new thing on a weekend. They are too unpredictable. So today is Monday and I've decided to put him down for his afternoon nap. Guess what? He went down beautifully and has been sleeping for almost 2 hours. I did momentarily wake him up with the stupid camera, but he fell back asleep very quickly. I still hold him for his quick 30-45 minute nap in the morning though. I'm not ready to give that one up quite yet. We both enjoy that one a lot. Its more of a morning snuggle than actual sleep :-)

Oh one more bit of happiness, Silas hugs me while resting his head on my chest. He has recently added a pat/stroke motion to his hand. My heart melts every single time. I love my sweet Silas!

Being clean is addictive!

2010-08-07T14:54:00.000-04:00

Neal and I have started eating better by eating more fresh produce. Its simple and logical. Fill up on the good stuff and you won't eat so much of the 'other' stuff. I don't want a bad list. Something about that makes me want it more!! Just call me Eve.

Neal and I went to Publix for our weekly shopping trip. We bought 100 percent clean foods that Dr. Oz would be very happy to see. It was delicious foods too. Everything in the cart is satisfyingly yummy. As I've stated before, I can't have brownies in the kitchen without eating too much. The next time I make a dessert, I'm going to give most of it away to the neighbors. Who doesn't love getting cookies for no reason?

While checking out, I noticed a very large woman behind us. Her cart was full of sugary drinks, packaged foods, and sweets. At that moment, I felt even better for what we bought. And our bill was only 70-something. Ill tell you, only drinking water cuts down on the bill!

Speaking of water, I've been soda-free for 3 months. I've noticed my sugar taste buds have changed. Fruit tastes sweeter. My new goal is sodium reduction! I want to heighten my taste buds' sensitivity even more and taste more vegetables.

New Beginnings

2010-08-07T14:25:00.000-04:00

The title of this post is actually 'borrowed' from the la leche league magazine. We got back issues of it during our birthing class.

I've noticed that after my friends have babies they tend to go in 2 categories:
-healthy
-not so healthy
Of course it isn't universal and there's many spectrums. I've seen many women run races after having kids- something they never did. I've also seen slim friends get busy and kind of go the opposite way.

Shows like "The Biggest Loser" talk about how you have to get down to the psychological reason that you're overweight or else the weight will come back. I think I agree. I've been thinking lately and here is my attempt.......

As you all know, I'm no skinnybitch over here :) as appealing as that sounds, I've always stayed happily in my size 13/14 jeans. I've worn this size since 10th grade when I leveled out at 5'9." I've never been globby fat, but I've also never been the 'hot chick.' In college, guys always noticed my thinner friends. In fact, twice I've been told that 'with those boobs, if you lost 20 pounds, you'd be hot!'

Ummm thank you?!????!! How does someone respond to that? Since I've never had the urge to change my eating habits or be a hot chick, I've never bothered to lose it. Now that I'm fat, happy, married, and a mother, well things are different.

I don't want to take any pills (aside from vitamins). I don't want to get diabetes. I don't want to be a fluffy mom. And I don't want to go to the doctor and hear him say, "you've gained some weight." I don't want chaffed upper thighs. I don't want to see my reflection and suck it in telling myself that roll is there because my bra/pants/sjirt just needs to be adjusted.

I want to be an energetic mom who is on the playground with her kids. I want to sit down and not tug at my clothes so my rolls don't show. I want to be healthy and feel good.

That is all I can think of right now. I'm trying to be honest and raw with myself in order to make changes. I love food and I don't feel like its bad. Good food can be bad when I eat too much every day. But for now, until I make clean eating my habit, I have to consciously question my choices. Peanut butter cups need to be replaced with apples and PB, and so forth.

Better, cleaner food :-) its been a few days. Ill write another post about that. This one is long enough!

MAJOR PSA

2010-08-05T08:08:00.000-04:00

Do NOT eat more than 1 fiber plus bar in the same afternoon. EVER. I was mega hungry so I ate one with a ton of water. I was still hungry an hour later, so I had another. My the time Neal got home I was full of air.. And not the burping kind.

Anyhow, at 1:30, I woke up with a cramping tummy. Figuring everyone was sound asleep, I decided to *ahem* relieve myself. Not only was it louder than the shuttle coming back. It lasted forever!!! I was totally not expecting it. The cats ran out of the bed scared as ever, Silas wakes up, and Neal dies laughing because oh yeah, he wasn't asleep!!!

I'm still embarrassed.

fatso

2010-08-04T08:37:00.000-04:00

I'd be telling a lie if I said I didn't know how it happened.. Because I can tell you exactly how it happened. I've gained weight. Not a lot. 8lbs. So yeah.....

I refuse to be one of those women who has extra pounds with each pregnancy. I already needed to lose a good 30 before I had him. Now I need to lose a good 40. To be honest, I feel frumpy. I already have to keep my hair in a ponytail or a braid to keep grabbing fingers from ripping it out :) so it doesn't help that I have the "mom-do." I also have to wear tops that are easy to nurse with quick access and they have to be soft so I don't imprint his little face.

Its hard to lose weight with a new baby in the hottest part of the year! Long walks are out of the question and finding time for the gym? Ha! I'm lucky to get 20 minutes in the living room. I really have to rely on food. Luckily I'm bfing so I'm burning a ton of calories this way. I can't cut back on food or else my supply will suffer. It dawned on me this morning how I can do this....

My mom had to lose weight a few years back bc she had hypertension. She talked to a dietician and they gave her a plan to follow to get the pounds off. She ate all day long to keep her metabolism up. The hardest part of this diet was only drinking water. Giving up coke wasn't an option to me. I know, its sad. But I wouldn't do it. Now I only drink water with coffee in the morning. I'm going to give it an honest shot. Its healthy and nutritious, plus it isn't expensive.

I seriously can't do portion control with bad foods. One small brownie? Nah. Ill have a large one and go back for a little more. Miniature candy bars? Ill end up eating a king sized bar worth. I know some people say they don't know how they gained the weight, but its simple. Calories in and calories out.

Ugggghhhh

10 weeks

2010-07-23T17:45:00.000-04:00

Silas is almost 10 weeks old which is crazy! We're so in tune to one another that it feels longer. He's giggling, making more faces, reaching with his hands, standing on my lap, sitting up with the help of my fingers, bicycling the air, rolling over, setting a little routine of his own, and adding more love to our lives each day.

Waking up, the three of us spoon and cuddle for about 30 minutes. Its the best way to start any day!

With my supply established and his digestive system more mature, I don't have to think about everything that goes along with nursing anymore. He handles diary well, but I'm not a big diary fan anyhow. I split a cheese calzone with my mom and it made my tummy hurt. It didn't taste as good as I remembered either. The bruschetta bread was just as good!!! Lol I had 3 pieces!!!

I can't believe that he's almost 3 months. I'm so grateful that I can look back at the first 3 months of his life with fond memories. He is needy in the sense that he wants to be held a lot, but it doesn't bother me in the least! As my mom said, one day he"l grow up, move away, and you'll never regret this time together!!

cloth diapers

2010-07-23T17:28:00.000-04:00

After a month of talking, facebooking, emailing, researching, and considering.. Neal and I have decided to cloth diaper (CD)! Plus I've watched nearly 10 weeks of diapers tumble into the trash can. Including electric/water/detergent, we will save at least $1000 by CDing- and that would be using target diapers. I was nervous about the 'work' but its 3 more loads each week, not bad. When he starts solids and his poop is more firm, I can use flushable liners and hook up a spray hose to the toilet!

I'm starting with flats and covers. Flats can be folded to fit him at any size. The covers either button or velcro. It cost me about 130 to do and these will last until he's 30lbs. Unfortunately, he'll be 30lbs at 1 year... But ill just need new covers (about $80).

I don't regret using disposables when he was a newborn. We went through at least 12/day and considering he was my first, I had enough to learn!! Ill take a picture when they come in! I love the CD look! Now he can be in his diaper and look a little polished :-) He's a florida baby!!

2 months

2010-07-19T21:26:00.000-04:00

**warning: this post gets into the whole topic of breastfeeding. If you get easily offended, stop reading! This isn't meant to hurt anyone's feelings, it's simply the thoughts in my head.**

Well Silas is officially 2 months old.. 1 more month until he's supposed to start getting "fun." Although he's somewhat advanced for his age, so he's already fun. He's trying to sit up, which is adorable when he gets his concentration face on. He'll hold onto my hands and sit up as long as possible. Soooooo cute!

I went to a different breastfeeding group than Holmes. See, I delivered at Holmes and hold the Lactation Consultants (LCs) dear to my heart for helping me transition him from bottle to breast. That group seems to consist of a lot of moms who like to complain. They don't like it that baby wants to be held all the time. They can't believe that baby wants to feed for so long and so often. They feel like they don't get a break from their baby all day.

Duh. What did you think parenthood would be? Flowers and giggles?

Again. Duh.

When Silas was in the early weeks of life and needed to nurse around the clock, I popped in movies or looked at my DVR list. So many new moms don't seem to realize that the first 4-6 weeks of nursing means that baby is literally attached to you 24/7. I'm not sure where the break of knowledge occurs. Maybe the books don't point it out bold enough. Maybe moms think it won't be them. Maybe reality is harder than the words on the paper. Either way, most people can cope and deal better when they expect what will happen. Then they can mentally prepare for what is to come.

Plus, not every mom gets the help from LCs like they need. Then they go home without understanding a proper latch and suffer from sore nipples (plus baby is gassy from swallowing air and hungry from not getting enough milk). Most moms don't even realize that the first 4-6 weeks of nursing are extremely important for establishing your supply. It takes that long to get your body in the groove. Introducing a bottle too early and/or not pumping enough will leave mom feeling like she doesn't have an adequate supply. Did you know that you can re-lactate after switching to formula? It requires pumping every 2 hours, but it's very possible.

Crazy the stuff I've learned. I'm really getting into lactation education. I've noticed that a lot of moms come to the Holmes meetings to be validated that switching to formula isn't their choice. It's like they don't want to say "I've decided to switch." They associate that with guilt, so they find every excuse possible to use. Then they still seem angry with it all.

While I do love bfing and have fallen in love with it, I don't mean to infer that formula families are "bad." Different people have different situations and if you're secure with the decision to use formula, that's fine. Its just that many people stop because they didn't receive help or they've mentally given up, but not in their hearts.

I've also met around 20 moms who are opposed to cry it out (at any age) and it feels good to know there's a group for me. I know that everyone can do as they please, but it still angers me. The whole CIO idea is relatively new and it has many bad side effects. Proponents scare parents that children won't be able to put themselves to sleep and won't be able to soothe themselves. That whole idea seems ridiculous. Plus, my mother never let her two kids CIO and we didn't have issues. To expect a 6 month old to cry until they soothe themselves is cruel. When a baby can't even explain why they are crying...

I know there's arguments and excuses for why people think CIO is "okay." Guess what? I don't care. There's nothing that anyone can say to make me think that when a child turns 6 months old, they can CIO.

Than again, I'm sure people think I'm horrible because we have a family bed. Whatever, my brother and I always had an open invitation. As we got older we took up that offer less and less. My only memories are of us waking up in the morning and joining mom. It was fun to snuggle and cuddle before we "had" to get it. My mom never forced anything on us and she still doesn't. It's extended to how she parents her adult children. She doesn't tell me how to do things with Silas. I generally go to her with questions and she answers them without expecting me to clone her.

And, this might blow your mind, but I breastfed until I was 4.
AAP recommends bfing until 1 year. The WHO recommends 2 years. Studies on other primates shows that it should be 3-5 years. Why does our society act like 4-6 months is "enough" when it clearly isn't (biologically speaking).

And you think bfing until 4 is weird? I think that drink milk from another animal is weird. At least breast milk was designed for our digestive system and I'm not relying on a mutated gene to make me be able to digest it!!!

I'm just sayin'........

the NICU and nipple confusion

2010-07-10T13:41:00.000-04:00

After almost 8 weeks after giving birth, I'm finally ready to talk about the NICU experience. It was horrible for the most part because of the shock, confusion, and separation. During the c-section prep, I was asking everyone when I would be able to breastfeed my son. They said as soon as I was out of recovery or maybe at the end of recovery. He was born, yelling, kicking, beautifully healthy!! He scored a 10 on his APGAR test even!! So during recovery Neal finally came in to tell me that Silas had to be put in the NICU for hypoglycemia. What? But they have to keep him for a certain amount of time and he might be back.. Everything is up in the air. Oh yeah there was a bomb threat and its shift change so he had a hard time getting answers. I'm confused and upset for not being reunited with my baby WHO WAS IN MY BODY FOR ALMOST 10 MONTHS!!

Thus begins Rachel asking everyone I see when I can see my baby. He was born at 4:44pm. By 10pm, I still hadn't seen him, didn't have an update on him, and still hadn't achieved the ultimate bonding of nursing!! That was ALL I wanted and expected was to nurse my baby! I was longing to start the process and going crazy that I barely knew what he looked like!! After threats of my rights being violated and my mom and Neal starting to get heated, my nurse relunctantly helped me get into a wheel chair to see my baby.

So urine bag (oh yes still had the catheter in!), IVs, and all... I trucked down a floor and across the hospital trying not to puke/pass out. We get there and my sweet baby has an IV in his HEAD! I held him for a few minutes but had to pass him over because I was seconds away from puking. I didn't just puke. I emptied my entire digestive system. It was baaaaad. But I got to see my baby.

When we returned to the room we had a little better understanding that I needed to start pumping because I was absolutely not allowed to bf. The dr claimed it took too much energy. So with family gathered, I tearfully experienced (what should have been my baby) my first pumping session. When they say colostrum is thick, they aren't kidding. You can't pump it and give it to baby. It just ends up being a thick glaze over all the pumping stuff.

From then until day 5, I pumped every 2-3 hours 24/7.

We also visited Silas for an hour to feed (ugh formula) and take care of him. Finally I could nurse every 6 hours on the 3rd day. I was so relieved! Pumping is not the same as nursing and doesn't build your supply as well either! I used the nurses and lactation consultants a LOT to help with nipple confusion.

I have NEVER wanted to do bottles. Its unnecessary work since I'm at home and of course, if you introduce a bottle before 1-2 months, babies suffer from nipple confusion. Plus even if you substitute a bottle one time it messes with your supply! To my horror, I couldn't nurse until day 4 and I had to supplement. Ugh awful to undo a baby who wants the fast milk flow of formula.

It took me, my mom, neal, and Silas to make it work! He had a good strong latch once it was established, but to get him on... Well we had to drip formula on my nipple while my mom held his head at my nipple making sucking noises and I held my breast and massaged it to encourage let-down.

Back to the NICU, we bonded with one nurse named Kathy. She was amazing and let us stay as long as we wanted and never seemed annoyed. When his IV fell out (for like the 5th time), she let it stay out to see how his sugar levels would be. He was fine! So on Day 5 we were released. But first, we got to stay with him in a boarding room next to the NICU. We had to keep a log of everything (diapers, feeding amounts, temp, etc). I TOTALLY cheated on the only nursing for 10 min on each side mandated by the dr. Stupid idiot! I let Silas nurse as long as he wanted! He had the need to nurse and I had the need to have my baby at my breasts. Win-win! You lose doc.

I was also 'instructed' to give him a bottle after feeding for 10 on each side when we returned home. Pssssht and they wonder why bfing rates at home are so poor? That would never get your supply going!! Babies nurse a LOT at first. Thankfully I knew this from educating myself prior to the birth! I only offered him the supplemental formula twice because my breasts were completely drained and he truly wasn't satisfied.
After 3-4 days at home, he didn't need the formula dripped on my nipples! But my supply wasn't where it should be. So we nursed. A LOT (a few times the session lasted over an hour)! And I loved it! Sometimes he stay there for 45 min, take a 15 min break and want to nurse again. That's normal and fine. Around 3 weeks, we had a short break in the marathon nursing. Somewhere around 5 weeks, it all slowed down and now he nurses every 2-3 hours during the day and every 5-6 hours at night :-)

Now we have our happy nursing 'routine' (I use that word loosely because I'm against trying to schedule a baby). I've listened to my instincts from the beginning and they've proved me true. I never give up when he cries. There is always something else to do/try and I find the fix- whether its standing up and dancing ridiculously with him in the moby until he's happy (20 min or more!- great weight loss technique) or not eating a certain food.
I'm truly happy with motherhood and feel very secure. I was a little worried because I've seen/heard of moms who are somewhat miserable. Not a good feeling! My support system is incredible and I have some amazing mom friends who inspire me as well. Surprisingly, some of my mom-heroes are far away and I never see them!! So thank you all who envoke the spirit of endless love and the ability to laugh instead of cry (of get mad).

padma lakshmi is hott (two Ts kind of purty)

2010-07-07T12:14:00.000-04:00

I love padma. She had a baby, returned to work at 3 months, has a fuller figure, and still makes me drool. I only WISH I had her style/hair/scar. Well I have her hair when I put in the time and I have a kickass scar on my arm too. BUT I do not have her style lol- I have mom-style. You know, all my shirts look the same but are different colors. Nothing clings too tight because nobody likes looking at fat rolls. Honestly, we all love fat rolls because they are fun to giggle at and gossip about behind the owners' backs (no pun!). You just never want it to be YOUR rolls that are the topic.

My jeans fit, but its too dang hot. So I wear yoga capris. I loathe those wide-legged things that make skinny people look fat. What are they called? Gouchos? Idk how to spell it. Remember a few years ago when they became popular? Along with wearing two super thin shirts. The flip side is when us bigger girls (and beyond) also try to wear thin shirts. THEY CLING! And those big pants? They make a continual line from the widest point on your body!!!
The excuse is that they are comfortable. Well so is being naked, but its still not socially acceptable.

Before you get offended, take this lightly. I'm just blabbering. Those cheerleading shorts from high school are STILL in my dresser so I honestly have no room to talk. But its my blog, my thought ;-)

Watching Silas change is fun. He's really attached to me right now and that makes me smile :-) to know that I'm the one he wants/needs when his world isn't right is a good feeling. After all, he IS my job right now and I take pride is doing my job right!

I'm starting to get more done. That's kind of the issue though. I'm STARTING a lot and not finishing! I start the laundry but it never gets folded. I start the dishes but don't put them up. Eventually I will do it all, but until then I have my perfectly helpful husband!! Besides nobody expects a perfect house with an infant! Not even a little housewife like myself.

One thing I am able to do is cook when neal's home. I can sorta cook with the moby, but its awkward. if you know me, you know I love cooking and cleaning. I prefer to eat/drink at home. Why pay $100 when I can do it for $30? Neal and I celebrated the 6 week check-up with grilled filets, couscous, green beans, and red wine. For $30 we had the perfect meal that was relaxing and enjoyable. The cleaning is better. My house was never dirty, my mom cleaned for the first 2 weeks, then neal took over, and I've slowly helped more and more. Just cleaning the toilets makes a house smell divine. The clutter is annoying (an old roomie of mine just MIGHT agree that I HATE stuff on countertops.. To the point where I'm a complete a-hole). I will live and I'm remaining calm over the dinig table scattered with mail and other general crap.

My friend is almost here, so its time to get Silas ready to go!!

One Fine Day

2010-07-03T13:56:00.000-04:00

Neal's mowing the yard, Silas is napping on my chest (in the rocker of course), and I'm watching a movie. I feel like writing, so I grabbed my BB and here I am! My sweet sweet Silas sleeping on me is one of the most precious gifts that's comes with having him in our life. I didn't realize it until I started receiving criticism, but that's exactly how my grandma and mom were with all of there kids! Lol its funny how some things are inherently passed down. Maybe its the general way I was raise that has made me this way as a mother and person? Either way, I'm so tickled that I have such a sweet little baby who I can really take the time to enjoy.

He's so peaceful and content with life. His little fussy periods quickly ended as soon as I started wearing him. It worked like magic too!! No more fussy periods plus I get more stuff done around the house :-) win-win

honesty and boobies

2010-06-26T05:47:00.000-04:00

A lot of people tell me that I don't hold much back. Maybe that's their 'polite' way of saying I should keep some things to myself. But where's the honesty in that? I am very open because I wish more people would be brutally honest about things like chin hairs, stretch marks, and personal failures! People leave so much out and then you're sitting alone wondering if you're the weirdo.

That being said. I'm happy to announce that my "excessive body hair" during pregnancy is disappearing. Holy grizzly bear! I had 5 new hairs to pluck every few days and for my fuzzy tummy, well I just waxed that crap. All I can say is... Hmmm... At least its going away? The strange part is I never had an upper lip problem and my leg hairs seemed to stall. I shaved those LESS often actually!

Now for the boob part of this. You know how according to whats-his-face (mommy brain, sorry) that if you have an affixation on something it stems from your needs not being met when you're younger?

Well Silas should have no problem with breasts. This kid HAS to be touching my chest constantly for his world to be at peace. Its quite funny. He uses my boob as a pillow at night! It doesn't seem comfy to me but he sleeps cheek-to-breast. This stems from out night nursing routine of me keeping one side of my nursing bra open so he can snack without either of us really waking up. Funny, well not funny more coincidental, the more nursing moms I talk to, the more I find out that its quite popular to do the whole 'one boob out' thing at night! I thought I had some family secret that my mom taught me. Nope, others have it figured out too. Then I remember, all mammals sleep like that, think of a cat or dog and their litter.

I really have had a ton of tips and hints regarding nursing and its so appreciated. I didn't realize how many extended nursers there are out there. I've learned that to be successful at it, it really has to become a lifestyle. Luckily I don't have to worry about the supply issues that comes with pumping because of working. The other stuff (babywearing, nursing on cue, bland diet, etc) is more about trusting those who have been successful. Since Silas will be nursing until he's about 2 (he'll self-wean), I need to get more nursing-friendly tops. For right now, during the early, 10-12 times a day, my tank with the moby wrap is the best.

I waited on the moby and I'm not sure why. I guess I figured that I could fare just fine without it. Ha! I've only had it for 3 days and its already something I'd grab during a fire. I was thinking about getting some v-necks tops, cutting them down the middle a little, and adding clasps or something to make them bfing-friendly.

5 weeks

2010-06-24T14:29:00.000-04:00

I am so infatuated with Silas. Every day I have with him, I feel so grateful. When we're nursing and looking into each others eyes, I fall in love all-over again. The fact that he relies on me so much and that I can fulfill his needs is so empowering!

Neal does such a great job too! Silas is a typical baby and has a little fussy period every day for about an hour or so. He wimpers a lot and has to be held and bounced to prevent crying. Neal is so good at calming him that I don't feel like I need to step-in. I wish it wasn't so hot, we'd take a walk. It seems like he gets bored and has a little bit of cabin fever. When we get out of the house, he doesn't get fussy that day. So maybe I just need to head to the Avenues everyday ;-)

I can't imagine how hard it must be to grow so fast. I remember as a kid, some nights I'd cry because my legs hurt after playing long and hard. When josh has baseball practice/games, I would do gymnastics the ENTIRE time. Talk about a workout! So much fun, but my calves and thighs would make me cry that night. Silas is probably going through the same thing. He is developing his muscles and coordination so quickly. I took my mom's advice to use some water therapy and took him in the shower with me. SCORE! He loved it.

I'm learning who I am as a parent and one thing is for sure, I do NOT like Cry-It-Out. Nobody in my family has ever practiced that and I won't either. I rock/nurse my baby to sleep and will continue to do so until we transition to bedtime stories/singing. I guess I should revise that, sometimes neal/mom/gma rocks him to sleep after he's fed :-_ I really love watching others put him to sleep. Its so tender and sweet.

coca-cola

2010-06-22T08:13:00.000-04:00

Most people who know me know my love of coke. McDonald's serves the best. There's not much that pleases me more than the first sip of a good coke. I even know which restaurants have 'bad' coke.
In college, this brazilian girl said that she has 2 vices in life: cigarettes and coke. If she had to choose, she'd choose coke. I completely agree with her.

PROBLEM!!!!!

Ever since I gave birth, I have hated the taste of it. Regular coke tastes like diet (ugh)!!! I miss it so much and it bugs me. Since I'm breastfeeding, I don't want to drink a lot, just even one happy sip! When I go to restaurant, I have to order water.

At least we're saving $2-3?

give me more posts!!

2010-06-17T18:37:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you, but when I am nursing, I pick up my blackberry and checker blogger. When I see a new post, I get excited! Like really excited that I have something to read. No matter the subject, I'm excited. I'll admit it, I blogstalk people and never leave comments. I just feel ashamed for loving their life! Do you feel me people? I know people do the same to me because my views go up by like 50 some days. So why am I so blog shy? Because most of these people are through people that I remotely know. People I had ONE class with in 10th grade yet somehow we're friends on facebook.

So enough of my weirdness. My pre-preg jeans ALMOST fit normally. The legs are fine, its just the jiggly tummy that hangs over a tad too much. Once I get cleared by the doc, ill be hitting the gym! Silas is now taking naps on his own. At first he had to be held by me 24/7 and I happily obliged. But now he can sleep in the bassinet version of his PNP. I miss him when he's in it, but its nice to get some housework done or a baclrub from the husband.

I've been semi-private since he's been born. However, I feel that the first few weeks are NOT a time to parade your child around. Its a time to rest, recover, bond, and get it figured out. Life changes completely and with change comes challenge. Trying to visit with every relative and friend isn't possible. This time is about neal, silas, and me. Because of our reclusive behavior, we are ao happy together. I know silas and silas knows me. Before I left the hospital, every nurse and doctor told me to lay low for the first month and I'm so glad that I did. Being overwhelmed as a new mom is rough and I didn't have the patience to feel that way.

As a new mom, my favorite item is the rocker (aside from diapers). Silas falls asleep so quickly and deeply. I would live without a crib before I gave up my rocker!!

Another new-found love? Breastfeeding. Its as wonderful as I thought itd be. I had to pump exclusively to establish my supply since he was in the NICU. Horrible! I hate pumping!! Nursing is so much easier and convenient. Plus, pumping gave me nipple blisters (not painful but very odd looking)!!

Also, I thought I'd be miserable the first few weeks. College was a lot more overwhelming though! Getting 3-4 hours of sleep while having to be academic-minded is a lot harder to me. I get 8-9 hours of sleep, its just broken up. At least I can nap and at least I don't need my brain to nurse :-)

So all-in-all, I'm loving life, the baby, my husband, my house, my cats, my family, my friends, and the blogs I read :-)

So go on, give me a new post to read for when I'm nursing at 2am :-D

the birth

2010-06-17T05:53:00.000-04:00

We arrived at the hospital and were put in the nicest, largest room- I was very excited, not in pain, fully effaced, and 4cm dilated!! The doctor told me that I could get my epidural at anytime, but I wanted to actually feel a contraction first! Plus, I wanted to get to 5cm to make sure my body kept doing its thing. So we walked, we bounced, we squatted, we even danced! LOL yes I danced while 'in painless labor.' Somewhere along the way, my water was broken and I figured that HAD to make me feel SOMETHING, right? NOPE!

I was at 7cm, starting to feel a little pressure (like I had to poop) and since I didn't want to get to 10cm and be told it's too late for an epi, I got it. My mom and I were in disbelief the entire time. The doctor even asked me if I'm typically good with pain. I said 'NO! I'm a big baby, this seriously doesn't hurt.' After the epi, the dr checked me again and despite my activities and lack of an epi, he wasn't descending.

We knew going into this that #1 he has a huge head and #2 I have a narrow pelvic opening. The doctor really wanted me to deliver vaginally also. She said she wanted to see me give it my best shot. So after knowing he was so high, she put me on pitocin to make my contractions stronger to push him down. She checked me after giving me some time and she said 'you're tight as a vice and he's really high up there, this isn't going to happen.' Sooooo the dreaded c-section was going to happen!

The section itself wasn't bad, they gave me some happy drugs to calm my nerves and everyone was so nice and even fun to be around. While stitching me back up, we talked about idiots who let their kids/dogs/whatever go swimming in gator water areas.

Silas was born at 4:44pm with much effort. The doctor was the first to say 'oh my god when she saw his head.' Then she asked for the vacuum. Then everyone else started saying oh my god.' I felt someone pushing on my ribs (neal later said a nurse was jumping on me- the bed was actually in the air) lol! Silas came out screaming, kicking, and seemingly very healthy. His apgar was 9/10 and when I got a glimpse of his head, I knew THAT was NOT coming out of me regardless of unfused cranial bones that can warp their shape. When the doc found out he had a 15-inch head, she said it wouldn't have happened haha.

Neal left with silas while they closed me up. My mom met me in recovery, followed by neal. I kept asking when I could see Silas and the nurse said when I could move my legs. Well that wasn't a problem! I never lost the feeling in my legs, I wiggled my toes during the surgery :-)

Somewhere along the way, I found out that Silas was taken to the NICU for low blood sugar. And Neal couldn't follow him because there was a bomb threat.

Then, my 5-day hell began. But that's another post because this is a happy one!!

2 weeks

2010-06-06T20:43:00.001-04:00

First off, Asuka- I will tell Neal to write a post :-) That's a good idea and should be fun!

Silas is doing well, he wakes up about 2 times each night. I still need a nap during the day to keep going, but with a c-section recovery, breastfeeding, and not getting solid sleep... I don't think 1 mommy-nap is that bad!! :-)

He's really becoming more aware of his surroundings and making eye contact with him is so much fun. His 2 week check-up was last Friday and he's now 10lbs 5oz!! The doctor was super pleased and kept commenting about his happy personality. Holding him while he softly sleeps on me is quite amazing. I've always loved a sleeping baby, but now that the baby is mine... well it's that much more special <3

I've stayed in the house mostly since we got home from the hospital. The only except has been during the weekends. Last weekend I was at my mom's and the visitors wore us out! This weekend we stayed in Rockledge and it went much better. I'm not at all stir-crazy and very happy being at home. We nurse, diaper, sleep, watch movies, and sometimes eat.

Speaking of eating, I don't count calories but holy moly I've lost a ton of weight! I (obviously) gained a ton of weight at the end between the baby and water retention. It made me very nervous about my post-baby body. While I've never been slim and a size 5, I dreaded the idea of having to buy bigger clothes until I lost the weight. Well I'm happy to report that I'm back in my clothes! My jeans have a little bit of muffin top, but that's just from the baby and the inability to workout still.

The whole "saggy skin" issue isn't really an issue for me too much. I always thought it'd be MUCH worse, but it's really not that bad (definitely nothing that some shapewear can't handle). Basically, I'm relieved to not hate my body. Sure I have stretch marks and my nipples will never be the same, but I'm cool with those two things :-)

Silas Matthew Morgan

2010-06-01T20:55:00.000-04:00

Born May 18 at 4:44pm weighing 9lbs 13oz and 22 inches long. I LOVE caring for him and the new level in love that he has brought to our family. I would write more, but there's more important things to do than sit at the computer :-) Facebook is easier because I do that on my blackberry while holding him.

Reflection

2010-05-16T16:08:00.000-04:00

I just wrote a whole long post about how my first experience abroad has reminded me of my venture into motherhood. How I knew traveling would be life changing, but there are things I wish teenage Rachel could have known. Then I wrote about how I'm mentally entering motherhood and how I've prepared myself.

Then I realized it was pointless. Who cares. In a short about of time, I will be with my baby for the first time. I'll get to experience breastfeeding- something I've looked forward to since I was a child. Go figure, the same little girl who never planned her wedding, did plan on nursing. Weird? Maybe. Well probably.

I don't remember my own experience as a nursing baby/toddler. Obviously it had some impact on me because the idea of formula never entered my mind. Kind of like how the idea of not getting my degree in 4 years right out of college never entered my mind. Same as getting married and buying a house before having kids. Lots of people do life different ways and everything works out for them. I just happen to be a hardcore planner about certain things in life.

So yes, that's what I keep thinking about the most- nursing my baby. There's something very tender, sweet, and giving about nursing that has always appealed to me. In a different, yet same aspect, it's like giving my heart to someone. Neal is the only male that I have ever opened up to and fully gave myself. He truly knows me like nobody else does and it's created a bond between us that I treasure. Now we have created a child together, yet another bond that has tied us together in so many ways. I feel honored to be his wife and be the recipient of his love. This is embarrassing, so I'll stop. It's just that I'm flying high at the moment and needed to tell someone :-)

Almost 39 weeks

2010-05-13T08:12:00.000-04:00

Wow, this pregnancy is coming to an end, FAST. From 33-38 weeks, time felt like it was crawling by at a snails pace. Seriously, minutes felt like days. And of course around 35 weeks, I became pretty dang miserable physically speaking. Most people don't carry a 6lb kid until 38 weeks, not me. Because he's larger, I get to carry the extra weight longer. It really takes a toll on your body. I'm glad that I worked out and had an active pregnancy because if not, I would've been a lot more miserable.
In the past 2 weeks, I gained a serious amount of water weight. The kind where my feet gross me out and the skin on my hands feel like it's going to rip open. Fruit, veggies, water, you name it! Nothing was working. I developed a hardcore migraine yesterday and went to the hospital because after 2 hours of endurance, I couldn't take it anymore. They finally gave me some tylenol 3 and told me that my body is just really stressed from the large babe inside of me. The meds helped, but I still didn't feel great. Something in me had a little craving for some cheese pizza and coke. I did what any responsible pregnant woman would do and had Neal go to Papa Johns.

Guess what? My feet, hands, shins, and ankles look normal this morning!! I can see bones again! And I feel soooooo much better than I have been feeling. I would wake up dizzy and light-headed barely making it to the toilet to pee. Then I'd get hot and sweaty and thrown down a ton of water. By the time Neal would get home from work, I'd be in the fetal position trying to think of some other way to make this labor train start.

Now not that I'm going to eat pizza and coke until his arrival... I am going to make sure I get in more calories and it will include whatever sounds good.
I'm fully effaced and 2cm dilated. My membranes were stripped to help progression and the doctor said my cervix is in perfect position and his head is descending. Several people said the stripping would hurt, but I didn't even know she did it until I saw the blood! It reminded me of the 1-hr glucose test. Everyone complains about how awful it is and how the drink is so disgusting. I didn't find the test to be so bad, it was very tolerable. Then again, I didn't have any sugar issues and maybe my doctor is really good at her job :-) Considering how everything has worked out so well for me during this entire pregnancy, I will not be surprised if I have the labor from hell! haha

Nobody can get off this easy right? I mean, I've felt like crap for the past couple of weeks, but I don't have a job to worry about and my husband is eagerly attentive. My bummed knee was just as bad and that lasted for 3 months. My shattered arm that required surgery was waaaay worse. And the time I had my MRSA infection was indescribable pain. Maybe that's why my tonsillectomy seemed like nothing? Each time you experience a great deal of pain, it raises your ability to cope. I'm hoping this proves true for child birth. Everyone says it's the worst pain in your life, but most people haven't had the crazy weird medical things that I've had. I mean, seriously, who gets a MRSA infection out of the blue? Me. The same person who rarely gets a cold. While I'm sure it'll be painful, I'm hoping my previous experience with pain and coping with it will help until I can get that epidural! And if not, I'll cry like a baby with Neal and my mom there to support me :-) And as soon as Silas is in my arms, I won't care.

38 weeks

2010-05-08T21:02:00.000-04:00

Well, well, well.... Hello 38 weeks :-) I'm starting to get jealous of all those people who have given birth already. Then I try to lie to myself and say "Well you're lucky because you're still sleeping at night." Then I remember that I'm not sleeping at night. Then I tell myself at least I'm not taking care of a newborn yet. Then I realize I'm lying to myself and really can't wait to meet Silas!!

As most of you already know through facebook, the babe is estimated to be around 8.5lbs now. The most narrow diameter measurement of his head is 9.8cm. Hmmm... this ought to be fun :-) Good thing babies' heads are pliable right?

I'm not going to lie, I've been feeling pretty poopy lately. Between a large child sucking the energy right out of me and the summer heat, I spend most of my days on the couch. Usually daydreaming about how I'll go into labor and imagining what the scenario could be. The idea of my water breaking is really cool, but only 15% of women have that happen. To combat the summer heat, I'm still eating snow cones all day long. Oh and I'm "at least" 80% effaced. My doctor FINALLY did the GBS test and didn't want to reach up too far until the results come back. She said I was very thinned out. I also didn't get to find out how dialated I am or what station Silas is. My next appt is this Wednesday, so I don't have to wait very long!

Neal stayed home with my on Friday to get stuff done and I had some visitors!! Bethany, Ken, and Isaac surprised me :-) I felt like the worst hostess ever because my head was in a fog and I could barely put words together, but it was very fun for them to pop by.

That's about it for now... looks like my first official Mother's Day will be in 2011 :-)

Green, hot, and very pregnant

2010-05-03T16:21:00.000-04:00

I love working in the yard. It's one of those rewarding things that make me feel good and accomplished. The sweat and sore muscles really pay off and it's lots of fun when people compliment your hard work. Here's some pics of parts of the backyard..

We planted this gardenia last year right next to the back patio. It's doubled in size and I can't wait to start smelling the beautiful flowers!!!

If you have a yard, you had at least one dead spot. One place where the grass won't grow or where bugs/disease has killed it. We had chinch bugs our first year here but thought it was a drought issue. Then last year, we got a ton of sod and it didn't quite cover everything. Our yard budget was spent, so we just let it be. Bermuda is much more drought and wear resistant than st. augustine, so we have a mixture of the two grasses. It's much easier to have a mix than it is to try to have a uniform lawn. Besides, I love the way the mixture looks. Here's what 2 weeks after planting looks like with the seed we used :-)

The first year we moved in, my parents bought me some pretty flowers and these begonias were some of them. I moved them to the backyard and put them in a big pot 2 months ago. Viola! They are doing BEAUTIFULLY and love their new home.

I didn't capture the amarillas at the peak, this was the beginning of the gorgeous show they put on each year. It's the red sea!!

I'm 37 weeks as of Saturday! I'm also very hot. The house stays at 72 most of the time and I'm still uncomfortable. Just today, I remembered that we have a snowcone maker!! ICE!!!!! Of course I had the dang thing stored away in the far back corner cabinet and I ended up red-faced and winded from the search. I think I've eaten about 6 cups of shaved ice today.
No Joke. This ice has allowed me to save some energy (aka money) and keep the house set at 74.

Aside from being hot, I'm feeling good and getting crampy here and there. It's nothing I can't manage, but I hope it means my body is getting into gear- we'll find out on Thursday at my doctor's appointment!!!!!!

36 weeks

2010-04-26T08:39:00.000-04:00

I seriously cannot believe that I have one more week until labor watch starts! The other day, I was thinking about where I was last May. I didn't know that I would have a baby in a year. When we started "trying," it wasn't even in my realistic thoughts that I would get pregnant so fast. My luck is usually pretty poor lol :-) Actually, I should adjust that statement to say that things don't usually come easily for me... until I met Neal.

After we got married, he told me that he's never had anything bad happen and life always works out for him. I laughed because I'm too much of a realist to believe that story! After being married for 2.5 years, I have to say that life does work out for him. BUT it's not just luck. He makes really good decisions and people like him. Those two combined create a perfect environment for life to happen very nicely. It's impossible to express how grateful I am for him.

Back to baby related updates!! My poor kid is so squished in me. I can feel all of his body parts when I lay down and completely relax. He is head down and I love cupping his head with my hands :-) Then I can feel his torso that runs along the right side of my body until my ribcage. His butt is constantly pressed up on my ribcage. I measured from the top of his head to his butt and it was about 15 inches. His legs are sometimes stretched out and those things go completely to the other side of my body. He's definitely not an tiny 18-inch length baby!

I pat and rub his back all the time since that's all I can really do until he makes his entrance into the world! Just like I'm pretty dang attached to Neal, I'm already attached to Silas. If I had to be a working mom, I would need crazy sedatives to return to work.

Ok one complaint. Why do so many people have a problem with me exclusively breastfeeding? They act like I'm doing myself and Silas a disservice! No, I do not have any interest in pumping anytime soon. Pumping isn't easy and it's a lot of work- a lot more than just popping out my boob! Besides, you have to pump when you give the baby a bottle because breasts need to be emptied at regular intervals to maintain a good supply. The funny thing is that most of these "advice givers" are those who never nursed. They tell me hearsay stories about how so-and-so did things. That's nice, but I'm still not listening to you. The ones that crack me up the most are those who haven't even had children!!! It's like a man telling me what labor will be like.

lab results are back

2010-04-22T15:51:00.000-04:00

So I went to the doc on Monday and there was protein in my urine. No other signs of pre-eclampsia, but you only need one symptom to get. Diagnosed. Was I scared? Oddly no. The doc told me he doubted it was anything since my bp was good and I'm not really swollen.
So. I had to pee in a jug for 24 hours and get blood tests to make sure I'm okay. Neal stressed a little and we made sure everything was together if by some slim chance I have pre-e and was put in the hospital. That was worst-case scenario. something about my mommy-ness has already kicked in and I remained calm the entire time.

Today was my results day and I'm pleased to say I'm fine! The protein was a fluke, probably from over-doing it. My urine and blood were fine!!! Yay!! The doc told me that I can resume normal activity, but normal at this stage means that I have to rest throughout the day.

I also got my first internal! Of course I texted bethany because I had a hunch this was going to happen. She warns me that they really go up in you. So when dr long-fingers is reaching for my lungs, I wasn't surprised.
I wasn't expecting anything from this internal but when he was done, he said I am 1cm and 30% effaced! Silas is still up there, but that's normal.

YES I know being 1cm means very little but its nice to know my body is getting into gear :-)

I'm celebrating health and progress by surprising neal with a gift he's going to looove. Well we both will love it :-)
I bought avatar today when I was out and about with bethany and isaac!

Speaking of, it was very fun to hang out with a mommy friend. She understands where I am in my pregnancy. And with a baby, she is forced to move as slow as me haha!!

boogies and poop

2010-04-21T12:32:00.000-04:00

One common pregnancy symptom is a stuffy nose with extra snot. Today at Publix, I am at the checkout line waiting for my receipt. The lady is trying to circle the $1.18 that I saved, but she can't find her pen. I take a deep breath through my nose instead of telling her to give me the damn receipt (Silas is very head down at the moment and I just want to get home). Well as I inhale, a boog dislodges itself in my nose and gets caught in that spot in the throat that chokes a person. After 4 or 5 violent coughs, OUT FLIES this ridonkulously huge booger. Landing place? About 6 inches from the cashier's hand. I'm totally at that "I don't give an f---" point in the pregnancy. So I tell her "I'm sorry, that was me," pretend to look ashamed, and walked out.

The reason I even went to the freaking store is because somehow in 2 days, I've gained 2 pounds. Yeah yeah, I know I'm pregnant. BUT I had this plateau of weight gain for a few weeks and in the past 2 weeks, I've gained nearly 10 pounds!! That is part of the reason I did the pre-preg clothes check. I'm not really swollen either so I don't know what's going on, but I figured a little fresh produce might be just what I need. Although I'm not constipated, I get crampy a few times throughout the day. I don't know if it's false labor or the urge to purge.

One thing I never wanted to be is one of those preggos who constantly think they are in labor. I do NOT want to show up at the hospital 5 times over a few braxton hicks. Besides, I'd rather labor at home as long as I can stand it. That is, if I don't get induced.
That's a whole new post that will be for tomorrow after I get done with my doctor's appointment. Gahhh! I knew this pregnancy couldn't be completely uncomplicated! It's been way too easy thus far.

He's looking low, what do you think?

Looking forward

2010-04-19T09:06:00.000-04:00

THREE people have given birth 3-4 weeks early from my group of due date buddies. There's like 8 of us who are all due within the same 1-2 weeks. It's just crazy because I have mentally prepared myself for May 22, but now I have to go back and realize that I JUST MIGHT give birth before that date. May 1 is 37 weeks, so please please please not before then. Still, May 1 and May 22 seem years apart. That has got me to start thinking about the idea of not being pregnant anymore. It feels like I've almost always had this baby inside of me. Well, it feels like it's been a very long time. In reality, it's been since August. Now we are leaving spring and approaching this summer.
Yep, it's about time to not be pregnant.

Reasons I like having a pregnant body:
- baby movement
- everyone seems to be nice to me
- my jeans have no waist, so they always fit!
- if I feel tired, nobody questions it
- my mom has slowed her walking pace DRAMATICALLY
- no muffin top worries
- gaining weight without guilt

Reasons I'm looking forward to not being pregnant:
- meet Silas (duh)
- bending at the waist
- laying on my stomach
- not feeling this need to protect my body so much
- seeing my *ahem* again
- getting up and down from the floor without so much effort
- Working out, I can't wait to have one of those body-sweat-drenched workouts
- having a larger selection of clothes again
- spooning with Neal on the couch (the 2 of us don't fit anymore)
- doing my usual stretch routine
- non-pregnant sex
- lifting heavy things (after a recovery period! no worries)

I'm going to brag, mostly because I didn't think I'd be able to do this. However.. I dragged out some pre-preg jeans/pants to see if I could get them up (obviously not buttoned). Anyhow they all still fit my legs/hips the exact same! The biggest thing to do will be to get back to a proper waist size. I'm very glad that I don't have to lose weight in other areas also. Plus, it's summertime, I really only wear dresses, skirts, and stretchy shorts when it's hot.

Cats

2010-04-16T16:21:00.000-04:00

My cats play tag. That "tag spot" is the tip of their tails. Inevitably, someone always messes up and accidentally runs into the other one or tags the wrong spot. Then, they stare at each other and have a "meow off." During the meow-off, each one takes turns meowing as long as he can. It's a back and forth thing until one of them gives up (hopefully because they realize how stupid it is). Finally, they lay down because 20 minutes of activity deserves a nap.

Oh yes, and this girl over here thinks it's hilariously entertaining. In fact, I turn off the tv when they start playing tag.

My question for the cats.. Who made up these two games? How did they decide the tip of the tail? Has either of them really won the meow-off?

Either way, they are buddies and we all snuggle together on the bed.

35 weeks

2010-04-16T15:17:00.000-04:00

35 days left until my due date. That's 14 days until I'm full-term, yet a whopping 49 days until my induction date if he doesn't come on his own.

Sheesh. So close, but possibly so far.

I'm feeling decently good. For the most part, I'm productive from about 7:30am until around 6:00pm. Some of the days I feel like I was kicked in the crotch and can't walk as easily. Also, I have crampy moments... like period or "I gotta poop right this minute" kind of cramps. Most days I feel pretty fabulous considering I have a child in me. Nights are when I just have to lie there on the couch because when I stand up, he might dump out (I know, if it were only that easy).

The next doctor's appointment is on Monday. I don't think I'll get the strep-B until 36 weeks though. It's pretty much guaranteed I'll test positive because that's my luck :-)

I'm sort of working on a tan these days. My skin has been pretty pasty since graduating from college and considering the massive amounts of pictures that are taken, I'd like to not look ghostly white.

In conclusion, I'm utterly sick of strange people telling me their labor stories. I love a good labor story from (most) friends and family, but I don't like strangers telling me their stories. It usually involves a 20 minute session of me smiling and nodding my head. I also am tired of people telling me whether I'm going to deliver before or after my due date. It's like we're going through the whole "gender" thing again. People ask me when I think I'll deliver. I give them the dumbest look possible and say I have no freaking clue, he will come when his brain is triggered and my body starts producing oxytocin. THAT IS WHEN I WILL DELIVER!!

I am also sick of hearing people who have never nursed or only nursed for a few weeks tell me why I will "fail" at it. Fortunately, I have a very good support system immediately surrounding me and I have prepared myself as much as humanly possible. I will be on a healthy diet with low-allergy triggering foods to avoid those possible issues (I prefer to prevent rather than wait and see if he can handle stuff like diary). My mother is a breastfeeding guru. The hospital has consultants available free of charge. Several friends have given me their numbers and said to call if I have problems. I've grown-up never even considering formula because I've always wanted to nurse. I don't feel like nursing every hour is a hassle and I don't have a problem nursing in front of others. In fact, I'm sure that kid will be attached to my nipples the majority of the day. I can't wait to watch a prude nearly faint when she sees my nipple before I get the shawl on. I plan on giving her a huge smile in return.

Most of these pro-bottle people never wanted to nurse and didn't have the support system around them to correct problems when they first arose. Or they might have not felt comfortable nursing anywhere but in private. Or they had to return to work and pumping was too stressful.

All of that being said, if for whatever reason Momma Morgan isn't enjoying nursing baby Silas... I have no problem going the formula route! I've learned time and time again that you can anticipate how life will go, but if you need to change directions for the best, then do it.

At the end of the day, while I'm sick of labor/diapering/feeding/sleeping/etc advice, I understand that it does come with the territory (or should I say belly). I can either bash my head in, give them a sarcastic answer, or smile and nod. I usually prefer the last one :-)

34 weeks!

2010-04-09T14:01:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is the shower! Yee-haw! I'm super excited to see everyone. There's going to be several people there that I haven't seen in FOREVER! I'm sure Sunday will be spent organizing and sorting everything. My house is about to turn into a baby house. Having the shower is kind of weird.. it REALLY makes the end feel near. Plus, tomorrow is April 10- 1/3 of the way through the month of April. We're that much closer to being full-term. I'm just in total awe about it all.

So, I had a hard week last week. I did way too much Thursday-Sunday and that resulted in me feeling like crap until Wednesday. My blood pressure was around 140/90- which isn't high enough to be "dangerous" but it's still not good. I rested on Monday and Tuesday and got plenty of water in me. My blood pressure today? 108/60!!

I guess I thought that I'd just keep goinggoinggoing until I went into labor! So many people act like they never slowed down and since this pregnancy has been super easy, I figured that would be me. I've not been immune to the fatigue that plagues most women in the final month or two. Once I hit full-term, the doctor said I'm free to do whatever, but for the next 4 weeks, I have to be careful not to do too much since that can throw you into pre-term labor.

Whelp. That's about all for today. I'll do another entry after the shower and hopefully get some pics in there also :-) Of course, everyone who reads this sees facebook, so just go there if you're missing the belly.

33 week update

2010-04-04T18:09:00.000-04:00

At 8 months, "things" you should never do include the following:

#1) Measure your waist.
#2) Look at pictures from earlier in the pregnancy.

After doing these two things, I'm officially over looking pregnant. I was totally content sporting this belly until about a week ago. Several things changed that have made me just feel tired all of the time. These include:

- Slightly swollen feet that itch and have a strange numb feeling. The sad part is, they aren't very swollen- I'm just a huge baby.
- Groin pain that is 100 times worse than when I fell/straddled on the balance beam in gymnastics when I was 8 or 9
- The inability to breath easily... when I'm SITTING
- The massive belly that takes a lot of energy to move here or there.

10 weeks

And 23 weeks later

On a more positive side, here are some things that make me very happy:

- I have ZERO swelling of the hands
- My face doesn't look like a blimp
- I sleep pretty well
- Everyone gives the baby lots of pats, hugs, kisses, and love when they see me
- Even though I'm slow, I am still able to do lots of activities (beach, disney, etc)
- My husband takes very very VERY good care of me and our house so that I can use my energy reserves for the fun stuff
- My mom also takes care of me. She's even cut her walking pace in half. If you know my mom, you know how amazing that is.
- I don't have to drag my butt to work.. I can't even imagine working right now. I'd be miserable and bitchy.

My doctor's appointment went well. Since measuring a little ahead, but it's remaining consistent with about 2-3 weeks. He's head down and his heart beat is great. The doc had to kind of hold him down because he was moving so much. That wasn't comfortable for me, but luckily I had JUST peed.

Well that's about it for this week. I'm still a "happy pregnant" woman, but I am getting worn out and am starting to look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Labor watch starts on May 1 since I'll be 37 weeks at that point!! Of course, I might not deliver until early June, but maybe Silas will play nice and head out around 39 weeks :-)

32 weeks!! and my awkward 7th grade picture

2010-03-31T16:07:00.000-04:00

I'll get the pregnancy stuff over with first and then move on to the fun part. Keep reading, I promise you'll laugh.. well you might cringe. Either way, it's worth it!

Last night, we went to Walmart at 7pm. Everyone knows you can't get out of there within 60 minutes and I only shop there when I have the time. As soon as we got there, I suddenly felt like silas was about to just drop onto the floor. It was pressure mixed with PAIN. Well I ignored it and kept going about my business and the feeling subsided. As a first timer, I'm in the same boat as many others:

How do you balance your body? I don't want to be some crazy woman who thinks she is constantly in labor and then puts herself on the couch over nothing. But when do you need to stop? Am I tired because I'm pregnant and a little movement would be good for me and my energy levels? Or am I tired because I've done too much and need to just take it easy?

Fun stuff I tell ya.

Well by 8:30pm, I started having some pretty good Braxton Hicks contractions. Not wanting to look like a weakling, I just slowly waddle my way through the checkout while letting Neal do everything. I got home, laid on the couch, and let my husband take extra-good care of me and Silas. The pain subsided, I slept great, and woke up feeling normal.

This is a 32 week update, but I'm over halfway through the week. It's very weird to think that I'm getting closer and closer to 35 weeks. I'm still not impatient because the earlier he comes, the more diapers I have to buy and the less sleep I'll be able to get. While I'm anticipating and excited for my boy's arrival, I'm enjoying my freedom to just pick up and go without worrying about the diaper bag, his "schedule," if he's having a bad day, etc. Plus, I take naps on my time still, not his time. He's already such a good baby by letting me sleep at night without waking me up too often. I re-arranged the nursery again. I think this is "it" for me. None of the other ways felt right, but this particular way just felt good inside.

No nesting has really occurred still. I'm on the cleaner side and always have weird cleaning projects each week, so I'm not sure if I'll get the nesting like other people. I'll probably make a bunch of lists (baby items/chores/errands/bills/hospital bags/etc) and verify that it's all correctly done.

How far along? 32 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 22 or 23... it depends on the day!
Maternity clothes? definitely
Sleep: good
Best moment this week: really feeling how big his feet are now
Movement: lots
Food cravings: not really
Labor Signs: uh yeah.. these things HURT!
Belly Button in or out? In still
Stretch marks? ha
Words of Wisdom: I have none.
Milestones: the weather is finally nice!!!!!!

Ok part 2 of this post.

You know how we all have that awkward year (or 10) where every picture is super embarrassing because you hadn't figured out clothes, hair, makeup, etc. Add to the fact that everything else about you was awkward and that makes for some horrible pictures that you can't believe were actually taken.

I just wonder, why was anyone nice to me? I had dork stamped on my forehead. I no longer question why I never had a boyfriend in middle school. This is why:

Just. Awful. You can tell how clueless I was by the big smile that was plastered on my face. This picture was taken in 7th grade right before my 13th birthday. I had yet to figure out what to do with my hair aside from ponytails, braids, and nothing. This was before I learned that it's a very BAD idea to brush curly hair when it's dry.

My first experiment was LA Looks gel- the super hold kind that makes you have the wet look. Then I did a mousse/gel combo. I remember my mom telling me that I needed to use less product because my hair was plastered to my head. It hurt my feelings at the time, but now I wish she would have never let me buy LA Looks. My mother was nice and let me "find my way" with my hair.

Throughout middle school, I experimented- gels, serums, mousses, shampoos, hairsprays, irons, you name it. Before the Chi, the best thing out there was an iron and ironing board. Oh yes, I ironed my hair to achieve that stick straight look. By the end of 8th grade, I learned that a little mousse and air drying my hair was the best route.

What I'm about to say is sad. I remember the first time someone told me that my hair was pretty. As most of you know, I was the unpopular cheerleader in high school. Even some of my team weren't very nice to me freshman year. I wasn't cool enough and not a member of their group. I blame those 3-4 people for not liking my graduating class as a whole. The next year, I really connected with the JV squad and loved almost all of them... but freshman year was tough. Ok back to my hair compliment. It was at this kid cheer camp/fundraiser where all 3 squads got together and taught cheers to the little people of the area. One morning, while warming up, a popular, senior varsity cheerleader looked over and told me that I had the prettiest curls. As soon as I could, I ran to the bathroom to check out my hair and for the first time, I felt like my hair was awesome.

Now don't get me wrong, I still fought with my hair throughout high school because I wanted it to be straight. But in all reality, the girl was right. The less I mess with my hair, the better it curls. You'd think that at (almost) 26 years old, I'd have this routine perfected, but no. I still have days where I put waaay too much mousse in and regret it later.

31 weeks

2010-03-22T21:53:00.000-04:00

How far along? 31 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: idk, didn't check this week
Maternity clothes? definitely
Sleep: good
Best moment this week: realizing how calm I feel about everything
Movement: lots
Food cravings: not really
Labor Signs: Practice ones!
Belly Button in or out? In still
Stretch marks? ha
Words of Wisdom: Calm yourself.
Milestones: I'm not just at 30 weeks, I'm in the 30s!

30 weeks

2010-03-18T19:29:00.000-04:00

Ok so I'm almost 31 weeks and finally posting. I just haven't had the motivation to turn on my computer and write a blog. There's always something else I'd rather be doing, whether it's working on my baby blanket or playing with the cats. Speaking of cats, our new kitty (Peaches) is the kind of cat whose tongue falls out when he gets crazy happy. I checked for his front teeth and they are all there... he just gets so happy to be in a loving, safe, comfortable home finally.

I went to the doctor today. I was on the Tuesday morning appointment time block, but this one was Thursday and the next is Friday! Two of the four drs there are awesome.

Before I get to the actually appointment... It seems like all of the shows and literature tries to scare the crap out of me because it talks about how if you're anything but at your "ideal" weight pre-pregnancy, then you'll be so much more prone to complications. Now, I have other friends who have gotten pregnant while under- or over-weight and many of them were totally fine. But still, the thought of pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, etc is very scary!

The approach I've taken is that I was healthy, active, and emotionally good pre-pregnancy so I'd continue to be active and eat relatively well while pregnant. Then I gained 6 lbs in my 5th month. And another 6 during the 6th month. Yikes! Scary because I had also been faithfully exercising 5 times a week.

Good news: I didn't gain any weight in the past 2 weeks and all of my test results came back perfect! The doc said "Whatever you're doing, keep it up because your glucose levels were great, your blood work was perfect, and your iron levels were exceptional." To add to my happiness, this kid has stayed in the head down position since week 24. While he "could" rotate, it's more probable that he won't at this point because of his size. The doc said that rotation is more common if the baby is breech, but not so much if he is already in place.

OH!! AND!!! I measured 3 weeks ahead again and I'll get another ultrasound in a few weeks :-)

How far along? 30 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Ok I'll answer this again... 21 pounds and holding (for the past 2 weeks). I predict a 30lb gain all together. It won't bother me if I go to 35.. I'd just hate to gain 50 because that' a lot to lose afterward!
Maternity clothes? definitely
Sleep: Very good
Best moment this week: Spending the weekend with my mom and Neal <3
Movement: he's practicing his bicycling skills. ON MY RIBS!
Food cravings: Not too hungry actually
Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks every time I stand up after sitting for awhile.
Belly Button in or out? In still
Stretch marks? haha I have no idea, a new one pops up every few days. None of my hips or butt, ALL on my belly. Lucky me. This means a great excuse to never wear a 2-piece again!! yay!
Words of Wisdom: Parents, get your kids under control. Nobody wants to hear a barking, screaming, shrieking kid in the waiting room.
Milestones: My weight gain has simmered!!!

2010-03-17T19:34:00.000-04:00

I've been slacking this week. But I had a busy weekend and early week! Its been fun to be crazy busy, but I needed a rest day today. So that's what I did. I sat my butt on the couch, crocheted my blanket, rubbed my belly, and cuddle with the cat. Speaking of cats.....

We have a friend for twinkles. His name is peaches and I promise to put up pics soon. I'm updating from my phone on my BIL's couch, so no pics. Neal and peaches are bestfriends and that cat gets crazy happy when he is home! They cuddle in bed each night. Basically my place has been taken. But I'm too big to want to sleep close right now. I require too many pillows and I get hot easily. I'm also VERY, no, EXTREMELY happy we got a king size bed last year. Sure it takes up more space but a) we have a big room and b) its worth it!!!

As for pregnancy, I'm getting bigger and bigger. Somehow I didn't gain any weight between 28 and 30 weeks though. Weird, but I'm fine with it! I'm sure ill make up for these 2 weeks later. Nothing changed, actually I'm less active because I'm slower. You could put me in the category of preggos who still does stuff, but at a slow rate, heavier breathing, and more complaining. I'm not miserable or anything, but this baby in my does take a toll on the body!!

Tomorrow is my 30 week appointment. Its at 4pm- I prefer early morning.

Well thanks for letting me pass some time while neal and ryan do car work :-) I'm pretty dang bored and this indigestion is flowing full force from dinner. I forgot the tums though, so I sit here and suffer!!

lightening crotch

2010-03-10T18:33:00.000-05:00

Swift jabs to the crotch will make me want to fall to the floor is the lesson I learned today. Thankfully, I had a cart in front of me to lean on.

I also bought a waterproof mattress pad in case I pee myself or I'm the 10% of women whose water breaks naturally.

Also, get a load of this belly. I've quickly lost my appetite and have to remind myself to eat. I also need a break after doing 30 minutes of light work. Why? I have a huge child in me. Can I really get any bigger???? Please lie to me and say that the growth will simmer. Need proof?

Slower paced life

2010-03-10T11:55:00.000-05:00

I know I'm not the only one, but I rarely see friends. Sure, we keep up with one another through facebook, blogs, and texting.. but I never see them. This didn't start with me getting pregnant though. It really took place when I abruptly got married.

So I'm lame and my life is boring. While I wish it wasn't like that about once every week or two.. it's where I am in life. I'm (very) pregnant and we're not spending a lot of money right now. I also get tired at night and just need to vegetate. I'm looking forward to something though - new friends thanks to kids. It's been a few years since I've (locally) had people to hang out with who are in the same place in life as me. It's just really nice to relate to someone who is where you are.

It's not that I don't want to see my other friends.. but it makes it hard because my non-married friends want girl's night out events where everyone goes to get martinis and trash-talk men. I want COUPLES to hang out with so Neal and I can both have a good time.

Anyhow, enough about how lame my social life is. I'm really getting excited about this baby! I feel him move nearly constantly and Neal gets a kick when he starts moving violently in me. While I don't want him here early, there are times when I think about how nice it will be to not share my body. I can see that in the next few weeks, I'm going to be more uncomfortable than comfortable. It's already to that point sometimes. The other day, I could NOT get into a good position. On my side, he would stick his butt out to the point where I thought my skin would pop. Sitting up, he was "cuddling" into my pelvic girdle. Stomach and back are obviously out the window completely at this point. So I got in the rocker and made him fall asleep.

My real connection moment with Silas came with the last ultrasound when I actually got to see his face. I didn't feel pregnant for the first 20 weeks. Then we had the anatomy ultrasound and by giving him a name, it started to get more real. But when she flipped over to the 3D screen, wow. It was just really cool to see him. Plus, all this movement makes everything very real. Add in the fact that if he were born right now, he'd most likely live. All of that combined is making me identify with myself differently.

Until I graduated college, I was a daughter and a student. Then I wondered around until I felt like a working adult. It wasn't until I had my knee injury and had a moment to breath that I really felt like a wife. Neal was such a good caretaker and that's when we decided we wanted to have kids when my knee was better. Now I'm starting to identify myself as being a wife and mother. Not something I thought I'd be this young (I'll be 26, but my entire life, I didn't think I'd get married until closer to 30!!!).

So yes I'm about as lame as they come when some people look at my life. I spend my days taking care of house stuff, watching stupid shows, cooking, cleaning, etc. But you know what? I really like it.

29 weeks

2010-03-05T07:08:00.000-05:00

How is this the last week in my 20s???!!! I can't believe it. I remember walking down the halls of work feeling that natural high of just finding out I was pregnant. And that was at 5 weeks! I also remember that feeling at 13 weeks when we had gotten through the first trimester and now didn't have to worry about having a miscarriage. Then there was the fat stage where I felt great, but wasn't my normal size. I just look like I packed on a few pounds. I couldn't WAIT to start showing. 20 weeks is a VERY clear memory because of the big ultrasound. Somewhere around 23-24 weeks, I actually started looking pregnant and have loved that :-) Now I'm almost at 30. I think 35 weeks will be crazy then it will turn into that blur because delivery will be so close.

I have to admit, I love going to the doctor. It's so much fun to look forward to it and then do my little drive, look at all the other pregnant people in the room and guess where they are. I especially check out the ones who are about to pop and think "omg, my belly will probably get that big!!!"

My dreams are now all baby dreams, probably because my thoughts are all baby-related. Last night, I was working on a good latch but he wouldn't cooperate! lol

How far along? 29 weeks
Maternity clothes? yep, people ask me when I'm due
Sleep: depends
Best moment this week: the extra ultrasound!!!
Movement: when doesn't he move??
Food cravings: well i had a fudge brownie craving last week and i didn't cave.. until this week. I caved.
Labor Signs: no
Belly Button in or out? in
Words of Wisdom: people should stop asking pregnant women questions to only tell them that they should do things differently
Milestones: last week in the 20s!!!!